[PSEUDOLUS]
Playgoers, I bid welcome. The theatre is a temple, and we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy. Tonight, I am pleased to announce a comedy. We shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you
Something familiar
Something peculiar
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something appealing
Something appalling
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
Old situations
New complications
Nothing portentous or polite;
Tragedy tomorrow
Comedy tonight!
Something convulsive
Something repulsive
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something aesthetic
Something frenetic
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Nothing with gods, nothing with fate;
Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Nothing that's formal
Nothing that's normal
No recitations to recite;
Open up the curtain:
Comedy tonight!
Something erratic
Something dramatic
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Frenzy and frolic
Strictly symbolic
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something familiar
Something peculiar
Something for everybody:
Comedy tonight!
Now the entire company!
[COMPANY]
Something familiar
Something peculiar
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something that's gaudy
Something that's bawdy--
Something for everybody!
Comedy tonight!
Nothing that's grim
Nothing that's Greek
[PSEDOLUS]
She plays Medea later this week
[COMPANY]
Stunning surprises!
Cunning disguises!
Hundreds of actors out of sight!
Pantaloons and tunics!
Courtesans and eunuchs!
Funerals and chases!
Baritones and ba**es!
Panderers!
Philanderers!
Cupidity!
Timidity!
Mistakes!
Fakes!
Rhymes!
Mimes!
Tumblers!
Grumblers!
Bumblers!
Fumblers!
No royal curse, no Trojan horse
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness
Panic is madness--
This time it all turns out all right!
Tragedy tomorrow
Comedy tonight!
One, two, three!