Zero Mostel - Comedy Tonight lyrics

[PSEUDOLUS] Playgoers, I bid welcome. The theatre is a temple, and we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy. Tonight, I am pleased to announce a comedy. We shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you Something familiar Something peculiar Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something appealing Something appalling Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns; Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns! Old situations New complications Nothing portentous or polite; Tragedy tomorrow Comedy tonight! Something convulsive Something repulsive Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something aesthetic Something frenetic Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Nothing with gods, nothing with fate; Weighty affairs will just have to wait! Nothing that's formal Nothing that's normal No recitations to recite; Open up the curtain: Comedy tonight! Something erratic Something dramatic Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Frenzy and frolic Strictly symbolic Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something familiar Something peculiar Something for everybody: Comedy tonight! Now the entire company! [COMPANY] Something familiar Something peculiar Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something that's gaudy Something that's bawdy-- Something for everybody! Comedy tonight! Nothing that's grim Nothing that's Greek [PSEDOLUS] She plays Medea later this week [COMPANY] Stunning surprises! Cunning disguises! Hundreds of actors out of sight! Pantaloons and tunics! Courtesans and eunuchs! Funerals and chases! Baritones and ba**es! Panderers! Philanderers! Cupidity! Timidity! Mistakes! Fakes! Rhymes! Mimes! Tumblers! Grumblers! Bumblers! Fumblers! No royal curse, no Trojan horse And a happy ending, of course! Goodness and badness Panic is madness-- This time it all turns out all right! Tragedy tomorrow Comedy tonight! One, two, three!