Back in the day there was a kid named Chad
With long blond locks and a scar, yo bad!
I met him on the hill back in ninety-four
He could ride, we'd get high, that was my kind of guy
He had a roommate named Brent and girl named M*ckie
One had h*moerotic tendencies, the other would talk smacky
But Chad was straight, he used a sock to masterbate
He liked Ohio State, playin' pranks, and mixed tapes
A couple years later, Junior year at BU
Chad's hair was gettin shorter but there's nothin he could do
We would party at a house with Meredith, Kim and Lauren
There was one more girl there but Chad must've been snorin'
Which by the way, if you've heard it, sounds like wood is a sawwin'
[Snore][breath][snore][breath] YO CHAD! I'm AWOL'IN
But listen, he tries, he really tries to be perfect
Nasal strips, allergy shots, manscaping, and colonics
Happy Birthday buddy
...to be continued