T.J. Miller (repeated)
I'm like Pepsi, I'm always second best
Like Melissa Etheridge, I'm usually in a vest
I'm like Home Depot, if I can't flow
There's Hispanics out front, ready to go
I'm like Southwest, you're free to move around
But the only place I'm goin' is D-Town
I'm like Mr. Clean, I appear out of nowhere
Jeffrey Tambor, downtown, subtle, no hair
I'm like FEMA, I always come late
I'm like Puerto Rico, I'm not really a state
I'm like Donald Duck, you can't understand a word
I'm dangerous and friendly to kids, call me Notorious B.I.G Bird
I'm like Maury Povich, I make a living off exploitation
I'm like Cubans, sometimes I mix myself up with Haitians
I'm like Sarah Palin, I'm the scum of the Earth
I'm like Jaden Smith, I was set since birth
I'm like my mom's friend, Allison Galansky
When I have dinner parties, I don't invite me
I'm like Dave Matthews, my fans are all tools
I'm like cricket y'all, I don't quite understand the rules
I'm like an overweight advice columnist/hunter-director of photography
I shot 'Dear Flabby'
It was a documentary, it actually won Best Picture
at Thundance and South By Northeast.
We submitted to Cannies, but it didn't take.
I'm like a claw-machine, you usually don't win
I'm like that all that's evil and not real, you can call me sin
I'm like a clown without makeup, still kinda scary
I'm like a Scrabble dictionary
'Cause I'm useless, but with a great vocabulary
I'm confusing, like when a girl named "Mary" gets married
I'm like Gary Coleman, it didn't end up so great
I'm like p**nography, I use me to masturbate
Flight attendant to ya phone, I'll get ya turned off
I'm like a creepy doctor, don't turn your head when you cough
I'm like a bu*terface, 'cause I have margarine on my face
I'm like china in a bull shop, I'm still outta place
I'm like cryogenics, no one really knows exactly what I am
or if it extends one's own life; it's probably just science fiction
to help people stave off their fear of mortality you know?
I'm like that
I'm like Krevin Harbu*ton, no one's ever heard of me
I'm an annoying phenomenon, I'm like 'Glee'
I'm like L.A. 'cause I take my time to crush your soul
I'm like New York City, I'm already full
I'm like Richard Nixon, except I'm a crook
Like a blind person with audiotapes, I don't do it by the book!
I'm like King Kong, 'cause I sweat a lot
I mean nobody ever talks about it, but he probably sweats a lot
I'm like Q-tip, I didn't make it f**in' rhyme for real
But yo technically, I'm not made of steel
I'm mostly water
I'm mostly water
(Did you know the human body is close to 97% water?)
(I mean, it's like... entirely water.)
I'm like Cali Swag, I'm a one hit wonder
I'm like a cold hit without ma** appeal, I'm 'Six Feet Under'
I'm like gla**es, since July I've been out of fashion
I'm the cultural elite, I'm the last intellectual bastion
I'm like Elvis Presley, 'cause I stole that sh**
I'm like Charlie Parker, 'cause I'm that 'Bird' sh**
Yo, riffin's in my blood, and it's not about to clot
Improvise like the Sun, all important and f**in' hot
I'm like a flasher in the cold, I always wear two coats
I'm like Angela Lansbury, I wrote 'Murder She Wrote'
I'm like Mrs. Doubtfire, I look good in a wig
I'm like that farmer from 'Babe', That'll do pig
That-that'll do pig, that'll do pig
Oh boys, oh-oh, oh boys. Oh boys (boys)
Black people.
-