T.J. Miller - T.J. Miller lyrics

T.J. Miller (repeated) I'm like Pepsi, I'm always second best Like Melissa Etheridge, I'm usually in a vest I'm like Home Depot, if I can't flow There's Hispanics out front, ready to go I'm like Southwest, you're free to move around But the only place I'm goin' is D-Town I'm like Mr. Clean, I appear out of nowhere Jeffrey Tambor, downtown, subtle, no hair I'm like FEMA, I always come late I'm like Puerto Rico, I'm not really a state I'm like Donald Duck, you can't understand a word I'm dangerous and friendly to kids, call me Notorious B.I.G Bird I'm like Maury Povich, I make a living off exploitation I'm like Cubans, sometimes I mix myself up with Haitians I'm like Sarah Palin, I'm the scum of the Earth I'm like Jaden Smith, I was set since birth I'm like my mom's friend, Allison Galansky When I have dinner parties, I don't invite me I'm like Dave Matthews, my fans are all tools I'm like cricket y'all, I don't quite understand the rules I'm like an overweight advice columnist/hunter-director of photography I shot 'Dear Flabby' It was a documentary, it actually won Best Picture at Thundance and South By Northeast. We submitted to Cannies, but it didn't take. I'm like a claw-machine, you usually don't win I'm like that all that's evil and not real, you can call me sin I'm like a clown without makeup, still kinda scary I'm like a Scrabble dictionary 'Cause I'm useless, but with a great vocabulary I'm confusing, like when a girl named "Mary" gets married I'm like Gary Coleman, it didn't end up so great I'm like p**nography, I use me to masturbate Flight attendant to ya phone, I'll get ya turned off I'm like a creepy doctor, don't turn your head when you cough I'm like a bu*terface, 'cause I have margarine on my face I'm like china in a bull shop, I'm still outta place I'm like cryogenics, no one really knows exactly what I am or if it extends one's own life; it's probably just science fiction to help people stave off their fear of mortality you know? I'm like that I'm like Krevin Harbu*ton, no one's ever heard of me I'm an annoying phenomenon, I'm like 'Glee' I'm like L.A. 'cause I take my time to crush your soul I'm like New York City, I'm already full I'm like Richard Nixon, except I'm a crook Like a blind person with audiotapes, I don't do it by the book! I'm like King Kong, 'cause I sweat a lot I mean nobody ever talks about it, but he probably sweats a lot I'm like Q-tip, I didn't make it f**in' rhyme for real But yo technically, I'm not made of steel I'm mostly water I'm mostly water (Did you know the human body is close to 97% water?) (I mean, it's like... entirely water.) I'm like Cali Swag, I'm a one hit wonder I'm like a cold hit without ma** appeal, I'm 'Six Feet Under' I'm like gla**es, since July I've been out of fashion I'm the cultural elite, I'm the last intellectual bastion I'm like Elvis Presley, 'cause I stole that sh** I'm like Charlie Parker, 'cause I'm that 'Bird' sh** Yo, riffin's in my blood, and it's not about to clot Improvise like the Sun, all important and f**in' hot I'm like a flasher in the cold, I always wear two coats I'm like Angela Lansbury, I wrote 'Murder She Wrote' I'm like Mrs. Doubtfire, I look good in a wig I'm like that farmer from 'Babe', That'll do pig That-that'll do pig, that'll do pig Oh boys, oh-oh, oh boys. Oh boys (boys) Black people. -