(Back and forth conversation)*
Yo what's up man, what's goin' on bro?
What up Sketch?
The f** you doin' bro?
Nothin' man, where the f** you been at?
Dog I been drinkin', I been, on somewhat of a binge I got some sh** to tell you man
I got some sh**, I swear, hold up, I don't even know where to start
Aight let's hear it
Alright man, it was a couple nights ago actually
The other night some sh** occurred that was so bizarre
I decided to show my face at the local bar
I kept drinkin' till I was a stumblin' clutz
Then I told a couple of s*uts to s** on my nuts
One of ‘em said she'd be glad to, it was easy goin'
We headed back to my place, and I let the sleezy hoe in
A minute after talkin' to me, she pulled out my co*k and blew me
Guzzled up all of my spunk and then hawked a loogie
She said it was chalky, chewy and sour
And a thousand dollars was her rate for half of an hour
I said “f** that! I hit hoes for free”
Then she pulled a gun, that's how sh** goes for me
I reluctantly paid after gettin' punched in the face
And pistol whipped by the b**h, the sh** f**ed up my day
“I want you to stay” I said to the leavin' hoe
Even though the head wasn't worth all of my bread
*Ha, you got played!
I did, f**in' played myself fool
It's all good though, she was fine as f**
$1,000 for a bl**job?
Nah, she wasn't that fine
Dog I ain't even tell you about Friday yet though
What happened Friday?
I f**in', I was drinkin', as usual
I had a f**in' beer, I had a couple whiskeys, I think
I had some vodka
And next thing I know I'm hammered
No coke or pepsi mixin' 'gnac and whiskey
Enamoured, tryna stroke a s**y vixen actin' frisky
Mackin' briskly, I'm itchin' to screw soon
If she ain't about it, I'll ditch a b**h and pursue poon
Switchin' from Blue Moon to chuggin' mad Coors
I'm gettin' super sloppy, huggin' fat who*es
I go behind the bar, grab a mug and tap ?
Ya see me spill it, refill it then re-spill it
I broke a bathroom mirror and I hear a lady b**hin'
The manager's yellin', tellin' someone to 86 him
But I refuse to listen, I ignore ‘em and dance
Thanks to booze, I'm pissin' on the floor in my pants
Meaningless my efforts are rendered
I'm not tired, but I'm close like a car fender
Lonely and horny at the end of a hard bender
I swipe the only b**h left, the ugly bartender
*Dog, you need to chill with all that drinkin' sh**
I know fool, but that's what I'm gettin' at though
Saturday night, I did not have a single drink
Bullsh**! You tell me you did not have one drink?
No, Saturday night, I did not have one drink, listen to this sh**
It was a normal night, I was chillin' alone at the crib
Everything was goin' good ‘till I opened the fridge
And there wasn't a brew in it
I don't think I can cope with the sh**, I check the clock and I got
Two minutes to get to the gas station
Next thing I know, I'm drivin' fast, racin'
I swerve, hit the curb, then I park and I run in and look at the clerk
He could tell that I'm desperate, this ba*tard better sell me a beverage
He pointed to his watch and he shook his head
My heart sank, and I took my bread out of my pocked
Told him I didn't need it, I pleaded
But he couldn't understand the English I was speakin'
I just want a drink, now I'm learnin' a new language
This Indian f**er's got me turnin' into a racist
While he was gibberish spittin' and tellin' me nothin'
I considered committin' a felony; I'm bluffin'
I haven't had a beer all night
At this point, I'd even settle for a Smirnoff Ice
*Yo, that was one of the worst nights of my life, I swear
You're an alcoholic fool, chill. Let's go to Denny's or some sh**, I'm hungry
Dog I can't go to Denny's, you ain't hear what I did to that waitress?
Five minutes after pinchin' the waitress's booty
I'm on my knees in the bathroom stall, tastin' her coochie
It has a nice flavor, but it smells weird
f** it, I just drank twelve beers
So I savor, every minute of lickin' the who*e c*nt to crack
I said, “You want me to kick in your door, front or back?”
She said “Front or back, but not in the a**. Right away and by the way, do you got any cash?”
I said “Nah b**h, now take this raw dick”
She said “Aw sh**!”
I said “Enough talkin'!”
I stuck it in her as if that would quiet her down, then I tried to pick her up
But she was the size of a cow
Fat as f**, and tatted up
f** it, her uterus was loose as sh**, so I told her to s** it
I grabbed a handful of her curly locks, then came on her face and gave her a swirly to wash it off