People always ask me
How do you memorize all of that?
And the truth is the first girl I ever kissed, tasted like tomatoes
And I know this, because the second girl I ever kissed tasted like pepper
It wasn't unpleasant
It's just that I was expecting tomatoes
When I was a kid I learnt that time slows near a black hole
Inside a black hole time stops altogether
Whether or not this theory will ever be proved
I'm moved to believe this would be the perfect place to love someone
In grade 4 my gym teacher gave me the nick name half-ton
It was a name that stuck
I remember it, because it was the first I ever told someone
Go f** yourself! and meant it
He quit calling me the name after he called my house
Trying to get me in trouble for what I'd said
To which my grandmother replied
Mr. sh**head, I told him to say it
I remember my grandfather's blue tool kit
Where he hid a secret stash of raisins
I recall thinking: My granddad has the worst taste in candy
But he did teach me how to tie a tie
My first opportunity to apply this knowledge was my first date
A seventh grade cla** mate, who showed up wearing acid washed jeans and a Def Leppard t-shirt
I wore a suit and tie
When she asked why I was all dressed up
I had to think quick and I told her: I thought it would be funny
I don't wanna say it ended badly
But she wound up leaving me for a boy
Who could make farting noises with his arm-pit
I'm forced to admit - he was pretty cool
In fourth grade my teacher had a rule about speaking out of turn
Failure to learn and practice this lesson
Would result in having to sit outside
I know this, because I've tried it once
When she finally came out to check on me, she asked
What was so important, that it couldn't wait?
Knowing that it's rude to point
But needing to illustrate my position
I gestured to her chest and said
Your b**b is hanging out
She quickly covered up and corrected me: Breast
She was a good teacher
When I was twelve, I was given an academic diagnostics test
Later the instructor informed me
I had an aptitude for history
He looked puzzled when I replied
Yeah, but that was yesterday. Today I'm more interested in tomorrow
I remember it
Because the next day I asked a girl if I could borrow a pen
When I offered it back she said
You should write me a letter with it first
So I did, wrote her a note
Which the teacher then intercepted and read to the cla**
It was something that we'd learnt in science that day
About the way gravity affects ma** and weight
In relation to how quickly something will fall
Example
A crumpled ball of paper will fall at the same speed as a boulder of granite
It doesn't matter how much something weighs
It stays the same until you consider surface area and resistance
At which point the persistence of gravity loses force
Example
Crumple a piece of paper into a ball
It will fall faster than a loose sheet
They are both composed of the same ma** and weight
So you'd think that the rate of velocity measured with the force of gravity
Would cause each to fall at the same speed
But that's when you need to consider that the greater surface area of the loose sheet adds resistance
So the crumpled ball will fall quickly
But the loose sheet will slowly float
I wrote a note
Explaining that when two people are falling for each other
They do so at the same speed
There's no need to factor in the physics explanations
Or something we can make no use of
Einstein said: Gravity won't be held responsible for people falling in love
I wrote her a note
Telling her: If I fall in love with you
No one will ever be able to explain it
And I think that's beautiful
Despite the cla** laughing, she did as well
Which is how I can tell you that I then knew and now still know
She tasted like tomatoes
I don't remember the way every song goes
I can't recall ever person I've met
I get names mixed up all the time
I'm terrible with birthdays
But I remember all the ways people have affected me
How our stories became memories
And if you were enough then you're in there somewhere
Maybe it was a truth or dare kiss
Or a simple act of kindness
One that reminded me to remember this moment
And mark it as a memory , so we could both have it to look back on
From this life, I've drawn conclusions so big
They can't fit into the tiny comic book boxes
Because I don't wanna risk losing the detail
Just so I can make the story fit
It's not a trick
I remember how things felt
Which in turn makes me remember how things happened
Like my first attempt at skateboarding
Where I received a down to the bone skinned knee
I remember a tree that looked like a man
With huge arms trying to hold up the sky
I used to try to climb it to the very top
Until one day I didn't, couldn't get down
I remember the man with the brown car
Tried to convince me he was sent to pick me up by my mom
Number 1, I lived with my grandparents
Number 2, he didn't know the safety word
I recall when it finally occurred to me
I'm pretty fantastic
It's not magic
I remember because I make comparisons
Not in terms of better or worse, just different
And not all of these memories are great, but they're mine
Which lends way to believe
That none of our lives are put together on an a**embly line
We're not pre-packaged with memories or programmed with stories
We have to make our own
And they all come batteries not included
And with the endless opportunities we have dearly
Seldom do we take the time necessary to record, rewind and press play
In our own way, we are all ghetto blasters at top volume
We consume silence with noise
Speakers pounding out our heartbeats as we write refund receipts for the broken ear drums of people who could hear us live
We give up our self's time
Precious, because its quality is limited only by your ability to live within it
Put yourself into every second of every minute
And you will have a life worth remembering
Just because we don't have forever
Doesn't mean we have to live our lives moving towards the end
As if on a conveyor belt
I felt nothing short of astonished when people asked me
How do you memorize all of that?
The fact of the matter is
It's not a trick
There is no thick curtain you need to pull away
No little old man making it all work from behind a locked door
You yourself probably remember before when I told you that
Near a black hole, time slows
Inside a black hole is where I wanted to grow tomatoes