[Verse 1]
My name's Seymour bu*ts, I wanna see more bu*ts
Who has more s**-related outbursts than a lemur does
A guy who can pop a bo*er from the goo that's in a papaya
Who's lately got his sights on a piece of a** named Mariah
The way her booty's lumping in those jeans has me turned on
And when I see it shaking, it's like everything I've learned's gone
My mouth starts watering and drool drips down my neck
I zone out and I come back in when I hear, "What the heck?"
I look down and I find I've got my hand down her pants
And the promptness of the moment is hotter than fire ants
She asks, "What the f** are you doing? Are you retarded?
I hope you're still turned on after knowing I farted"
She starts bugging out when I hurriedly sniff my hand
To see if I can still smell what's left over from her can
She says, "You're f**ing nasty, get away from me, you freak"
But I was already erect when I found out that my fingers reeked
I stuck my pinkie up my nose hoping to smell more bu*thole juice
"Can I stick it down there again?" and she said, "What? No, ew!"
Later, I was sitting at the bar feeling frustrated
None of those a**es could dance the way she gyrated
But finally, I noticed her, and I screamed, "Hallelujah!"
And immediately my pupils were on that tooter
I ran onto the dance-floor and said, "Can we start over again?
I got a little crazy there, but I wanna be your friend"
She said that it's okay and I was forgiven
But I guess that at that point it wasn't a good time to give in
I pulled open her pants again and knuckled at her a**-crack
She turned around and slapped me and that slimy b**h had her sa** back
It smelt so f**ing good I stuck my meathook down my mouth
I wanted to swallow it whole and I wouldn't take it out
I said, "I'm sorry, honey", then I kicked her in the c*nt
As hard as I f**ing could like I was doing a punt
I picked her sweet a** up and put her on my shoulder
That's when I realized that fat s*ut was heavier than a boulder
When I finally lugged her out back, I muscled out, "How fat are you?"
She said embarra**ingly, "Hey, I'm only one hundred and eighty two
"But you looked so skinny, you humongous who*e"
"My body's one-hundred and eighteen; my a** makes up for that sixty-four"
My eyes dilated like I was fearing a robber
I was so f**ing turned on my jaw began to slobber
[Chorus (2x)]
Mariah, sweet baby, you've got a nice a**
How would you like to perform acrobats all over my nads?
[Verse 2]
I had a bigger erection than I'd ever had before
I couldn't stop eyeballing those denims that she wore
I brought her to the ground and I pulled those jeans down
I wanted to bury my nose so far in her crack that it'd be brown
But then she kicked me in the face and said, "I'm a master of kung-fu
MMA, Krav Maga, karate, and jiu-jitsu"
She said, "Hey, if you like my a** so much, then take it"
And she plopped it on my face so damn hard, it was like an earthquake hit
That sure as hell broke my nose if it hadn't broken from the kick
She said from atop me, "Lick, you ba*tard, lick!
Tongue my f**ing sh**ter 'til I can't fart no more
And maybe after I'll think about getting off you, you who*e"
I was so excited that I found myself unable to breathe
Or maybe that was just the smother, but no, I wouldn't concede
The only job done is a job done right
And Mariah, baby, you're getting your a** eaten tonight
"I stopped at Taco Bell before I danced here," Mariah said happily
And she farted so wetly that I thought she had crapped on me
The fumes entered my nostrils and my bo*er sprung up
I got so f**ing excited that I stuck my tongue up
I licked up the inner crevices of her a**hole
She was the queen at her throne, like it was a f**ing castle
She practically neutered me right there by stomping on my nuts
And it was almost as awesome as her fat, squishy bu*t
My nose was breaking and bleeding and her a** was exceeding
Expectations, such exultation, and finally I was pleading
For her to leak some more toxic gas out of that hiney
She squeezed out a peeper and I said, "Come on, b**h, that was tiny!
If you wanna f**ing torture me, at least make it smell
Crush my cubes with a dumbbell, and put me through hell"
"Well, there's not much in this alley, so I'm taking you to my crib
So get up you f**ing f*ggot," and she kicked me in the rib
Holy Christ, it was broken, but the pain was divine
She burped in my mouth and she told me, "Your a** is mine
And come to think of it, if you want torture, my toilet's clogged at home"
I was so f**ing hyped that there was practically foam
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
"I came in a taxi, so you're going to have to give me a ride"
I told her I'd get my car, but she just looked at me and sighed
And she kicked my goddamn ball-sack so hard that I fell
"Look, you little ba*tard, you said you wanted hell
So I'm riding your f*ggot-a** like you're a f**ing horsey"
So I carried around the body of that big-bu*ted divorcee
By the time we got to her home, I could hardly even stand
She told me I was a p**y, so I huffed and I manned
Up a little bit and I walked over to her bed
"I hope you like suffocation" and she grabbed my f**ing head
And she propped me up against it and her a** swallowed my face whole
She choked me for like five minutes until I asked her to decontrol
My face was nearly purple and my erection was bulging
She thought it was torture but I considered it indulging
Just when I thought I'd die the hottest of f**ing d**hs
Finally I could swallow a less stinky breath
"I want to see a fart squeeze out of your bum!
And beat on my f**ing nut-sack until it is f**ing numb!
I wanna see your sh**hole up close, and smell its f**ing sweat
'Cause you've got the most luscious a** that I have ever met
In my whole entire life, all I've wanted was a bo*er-bumping
Smelly, sweaty, disgusting, despicable rump, sing
To the heavens above because I've finally got it!
But you've got to be stinkier, because I'm thinking maybe you're not it
I want the fumes to engulf me, the toot to air into my nostrils
I want your gas to smell so f**ing bad that it's f**ing awful
Destroy my f**ing face because damn, that a** is colossal
You need to be much grosser and damn, so much more hostile"