[Verse 1]
Margaret Thatcher talking on TV
Looks so sincere as she says to me:
"There'd be no unemployment if
You all used a bit of initiative."
[Chorus]
I was on the Dole, I was broke and bored
Says, "Aye, I'll take her at her word!"
Got a loan from a Credit Union man
And bought myself a Transit Van
[Verse 2]
Next step up the ladder now
I bought myself an old, fat sow
Crossed the border quite legally
Collected a common market subsidy
[Chorus]
Signed all the forms, and gave back the pen
Smuggled the sow back home again
Ten times a day, I'd work this plan
Myself and the sow and the Transit Van
[Verse 3]
Travel sickness, the sow picked up
Says, "Aye it's time to diversify"
Took all my money from the biscuit tin
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin
[Chorus]
Around the south, my wares I'd sell
In public houses and hotels
There was never a guard, nor a customs man
Put his nose inside the Transit Van
[Verse 4]
At festivals and fleadhs and fairs
If the craic was good, you'd find me there
At all big matches in Croke Park
And I danced with Springsteen in the dark
[Chorus]
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe
I danced on streets around Listowell
Mothers had their daughters warned
Stay well away from the Transit Van
[Verse 5]
It being Lent and the drink trade low
I changed to carrying video
While on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs roadblock in my way
[Chorus]
Faced the border, I got her turned
The engine roared and the tyres burned
Five patrol cars fully-manned
Were in hot pursuit of the Transit Van
[Verse 6]
Through Clontibret I did go
I was heading for the County Mayo
Round the corner I hit a dog
Went over the ditch landed in the bog
[Chorus]
I sat on a bank, watched all I owned
Sinking in a bog hole like a stone
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell
[Verse 7]
Now I'm back where I first began
No job, no money, but I've a plan
There's a girl down in Mullingar
She can hold me future in her hand
[Chorus]
She doesn't look like a film star
But she's been telling me about her dad
He has no property or land
But he has two sows and a Transit Van
[Verse 8]
The Queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car
Her son Charley has a Jaguar
But when the Pope came to Ireland...
Like myself
He drove around in a Transit Van!