On the first day of christmas, me girlfriend s**ed me dick
I had to stop myself from coming really quick
On the second day of christmas she kissed me bollocks too
She gave me a blow job, you know the way the women do
On the third day of christmas I had my head between her legs
With my tounge I tried to fertilise her eggs
On the forth day of christmas her pubes were up me nose
By now you'll think I'm s** mad I suppose
First she s**ed me dick
Kissed me bollocks too
Pubes were up me nose
I said "mind me cartilage, me pins are in my bare knee"
On the fifth day of christmas I stopped for a pause
I noticed these big skid marks on her draws
On the sixth day of christmas I thought She's very loose
Too late, my tounge was soaked in fanny juice
On the seventh day of christmas I was staring at this la**
Well I was staring at this paper stuck to her arse
On the eighth day of christmas I started to feel ill
On the paper it said Newcastle had lost two-nill
First she s**ed me dick
Kissed me bollocks too
Pubes were up me nose
Skid marks on her draws
She stunk of fanny juice
Newspaper on her arse
I started to feel ill
To part a fart and lick a hairy place where the girls pee
On the ninth day of christmas, I'd been shagging for eight days
I must have f**ed this girl a thousand different ways
On the tenth day of christmas without being too blunt
To be honest I'd had enough of her large c*nt
On the eleventh day of christmas i went to see the quack
He said "my dear boy you've been licking too much crack"
First she s**ed me dick
Kissed me bollocks too
Pubes were up me nose
Skid marks on her draws
Stunk of fanny juice
Newspaper on her arse
I started to feel ill
I'd been shagging for eight days
It's blunt to mention c*nt
I'd been licking too much crack
But now my tart's frigid and that's a reality
On the twelfth day of christmas, found out she'd given me AIDS