[Produced by Tone Jonez & Ben Somerville]
[Intro: Deflect]
I wasn't force-fed what i believe
My mind isn't brainwashed because i believe in something i can't see
I won't let you define who i am
Scared of the future and regrettin' the past, i am a dirty broken man
[Verse 1: Deflect]
Enough chit chat, where the ba** at?
Where do i face that
Stereo that drown my problems out, i wanna taste that
Will i be wastin'
My time k**in' minutes i'll never get back?
Slip through my fingers watchin' my life go by like an hourgla**
Spent so much of my past livin' a life i never owned
Wanted all the girls 'n' alcohol, runnin' from my home
Livin' a double, triple, lover life
Ain't thinkin' 'bout nobody else but me, myself and I
Ain't it odd that a God who lives high up in the sky
Would down on a created being, give him wings to fly?
I'll never know why i was targeted, man i sure never wanted him
He stripped away my idols and he gave me a new start again
My soul deteriorating runnin' after fake dreams
Never was fully content but i was always waiting
Maybe one more girl will solve the problem of my emptiness
Maybe a distraction like p**nography will help me forget my mess (it never did)
[Chorus 1: Monielle]
Want you to know me for my good and not my past
And i know, i know
I know i jumped in the front seat and drove too fast
Feel so misunderstood
[Verse 2: Deflect]
Nowadays you'll find me hidin' in my room, paranoid of what i hear
People tell me the world crumblin', so i just hide in fear
It ain't just the world i'm scared of, man i'm frightened of myself
My old habits tuggin' at me, monsters never left the shelf
I'm scared of bein' a leader cause when people lookin' up to you
It's so easy to start fakin', pretendin' just so they approve
I'm so sick of pretending
Sick of Satan upending
Goodness in me goin' right, then he messes it all
Up, and i'm frontin', and i'm wantin, and i'm scared
People always tellin' me there ain't no God out there
But i don't wanna be alone, so scared of being thrown
Into darkness, the fault in this, oblivious oblivion
Used to be so sure of everything, call 'em dividends
Cause God's the only one who makes sense of the world i'm livin' in
He turned this unwilling rebel to Him so I know He's there
But it never stops me from livin' in paranoia and fear
[Chorus 2: Monielle]
Want you to know me for my good and not my past
And i know, i know
I know i jumped in the front seat and drove too fast
If i could go back, i would
I feel misunderstood
[Verse 3: Deflect]
I wasn't force-fed what i believe
I ain't ashamed to fight for someone i can't see
Every day i'm still tryna find my identity
But i ain't brainwashed cause i believe in an entity
People still judge me
For someone i was be-
-fore it all changed, rearranged but they don't get it
I've told 'em so many times
God humbled my pride
And yet to them i'm still a narcissistic ladies man, they'll never get it
Is this how i'll go down in my hometown history?
A bipolar ministrial mystery?
My brother don't understand me, oldest one reprimands me
Thinks i'm makin his mistakes and i needa plan against the
System, i missed the mark i shoulda gone for when my arrow of my dreams was still under my control
To me it's all mind control, i'ma snap out of it
Everybody's talkin' too loud, i needa quiet bit
Turn the ba** off
Stop with your judgments
Stop with your frontin'
So tired of runnin'
From everything done in
My past
You make my pain last
I know what i've done, I know what i had
Pop reminders in my face, you a Youtube Ad
Your opinion of me is irrelevant
You do no research, cuz you just the elephant
Sits in the room and say nothin' but gossip
He spread down the wire and he never stop it
All of your comments could drive me insane
But i know that's what you want, boy you inane
You won't defeat me or put me to shame
Cause Jesus accept me, I trust in His name
Some of you think i'm fakin or up to no good?
Keep judgin', i'll always be misunderstood