[Spoken Intro]
Gaston: Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "No" to Gaston!
LeFou: Darn right!
Gaston: Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.
LeFou: More beer?
Gaston: What for? Nothing helps, I'm disgraced
LeFou: Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together
LeFou: Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd like to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!
LeFou and Chorus: No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you see, I've got biceps to spare
LeFou: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
Gaston: That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus: No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptooie!
Chorus: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus: No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus: My, what a guy, Gaston!