Benjamin Franklin
I'm big Ben Franklin and this shan't be pretty
Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of Philly
You couldn't sell Rick James a bag of crack, you're out of practice
My victory's more certain than d**h or taxes
Fact is, you're a hack, whack QVC joke
You peddle soap that cleans bird sh** from my windows
I'll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in
Call me Arthur Miller son, 'cause it's d**h of a salesman
Billy Mays
Hi, Billy Mays here, with a special TV offer
Watch me crush this bald fat foppish founding father
I'll take my awesome auger and sow your Quaker Oats
I'll shoot your rhymes down like a regiment of redcoats
I'm lord of the pitch and leader of home sales
You're just a lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail
Benny's got kite 'n' key, but he's in for a shock
When I strike you with bolts from my lightning rod co*k
Franklin
Stop, I protest these intolerable raps
It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your a**
Because I'm mint, I'm money, I'm an educated gentleman
So join or die, Bill, 'cause it's all about the Benjamin
Mays
But wait, there's more...
Announcer
Is there anyone who can finish this battle?
Anyone? Anyone?
Sham Wow Guy
I can, you following me camera guy? 'Cause it's about to get furious
Your gonna love my nuts, until your bifocal-curious
Your boy, George, chopped down trees, you couldn't break a piece of balsa.
Slap chop your face make a double chin salsa
Your style's so broke, they call you Poor Richard
It's bad enough I gotta see you every time I tip a stripper
Vince against a founding father is just too bad
'Cause after this, America is gonna lose a dad