[Verse 1: Travis]
First off, I ain't here to sing praises
I'm hazing, not giving out bouquets of daisies
To all the other joints that don't compare
To Waffle House b**h, the best anywhere
First off, you may say that I'm crazy
I ain't be; Waffle House is just saintly
That's it; I hope that you can get the jist of it
Who else ain't as good? Well here's a list of it:
[Verse 2: Andrew]
Denny's: real food, they say?
Well it ain't real good, okay? Okay
Just wanna make sure that you know that
I could even testify in court to show that
Your omelettes ain't good, and neither are your hashbrowns
I went to your bathroom, I got me a rash now
Your whole menu leaves my insides boiling
Put it where it belongs: inside the toilet
[Hook]
Think you're better than the House?
You just ain't
Keep that bullsh** out your mouth, man
I just ate
That's what I keep telling you
Yes I do
And it's true
Oh, so true
Waffle House is the #1
Breakfast establishment; that's it, we're done
[Verse 3: Travis]
IHOP: Waffle House arch-nemesis
I'll enter a sewer before I enter your premises
The premise of unlimited pancakes is okay
But not when it's all-you-can-eat doo-doo buffet
Poo is still poo even with syrup on top of it
Eat that sh**? I'd rather do the opposite
There can only be one House; it's of Waffles, no doubt
I wish the rain would come and wash you down the spout
[Verse 4: Dean]
Pancake? Big mistake
I wouldn't seek shelter from an earthquake
You got a big square sign? Big f**ing deal
You're just copying Waffle House; get f**ing real
Who'd wanna eat your food? Your portions are tiny
And your flapjacks are lackluster, don't remind me
Open 24 hours but no one gives a sh**
Must be lonely in that empty-a** building
[Hook]
So there's no contest when you put it in context
No complex comparisons, no fine print, no small text
Just the best, the winner is clear
It's where I'll be eating my dinner for the rest of my years
My breakfast too, forever eating waffles with my reckless crew
We'll step to you, you b**hes
If you talk sh** about the House, you're dead
Texas Breakfast Corps gonna knock you in your f**ing head
[Hook]