I like a hot girl that knows how to wipe her waist
Especially the type that's giving me the time of day
And let's me get up in her private space
Greets me with a smilin' face
I'll leave her feelin' like a woman
Like Shania Twain
Alright, okay, I've got you thinking, 'what a dick?'
I bet he's quite the opposite and comes across a neurotic b**h
Lackin' self confidence, is it that obvious?
Well let's just say I praise the lord for alcoholic drinks
One night my game was on fire like it was herpes
Both the Fonze and Jon Travolta would've been like, 'we're not worthy'
Despite having started early I wasn't slurrin' my words
When I turned to a girl who was perfectly curvy
I didn't come off pervy
Flirty and risque perhaps
But she was taken aback
At times the self deprecating acts will get you crazy gash
We danced to basement Jackson and guzzled drinks until our brains were mashed
She invited me back to her flat
I said, 'let's take a cab'
She said, 'no, it's only down the road'
So I said, 'go'
We walked and talked
I thought I'd scored
Until we were walkin' with some other bloke
Her cousin? No
Her brother? No
As far as introductions go, this one was coming slow
A bit weird I thought, but f** it though
Once we'd lumped it home, this man was straight in with no explanation
My expectation was that I could rest her pale skin and privates, in private, with the lights dimmed
To my excitement
Things were moving on exactly to my liking
I was riding, she was writhing
It was beyond parental guidance
Rated 18 and know what I mean? Excessive violence
I was feelin' like the Don, putting my mac down
Until I heard a creaking in the background
'What the f** was that?'
He had sneaked in and stripped down, to a g-string
And I would not agree to a threesome
With deviants, it's just demeaning
(Hell no)
I don't want a geezer being as mean to me and a senorita
Between the sheets
Those are not the ingredients of a decent evening
The rest of it's irrelevant
Let's just say that my imperative was then, just leggin' it
As if my life was threatened
Now, I've met some odd people
But those two just took the biscuit
What they did to me was twisted
And it's just not wicked
You see, back in sixth form I was a chicken sh** dork
All I wanted was a fit broad, with the morals of big who*e
If there's one you can garner, from this self indulgent discourse
Is that age old clique, just be careful what you wish for