Zach Sherwin - Letter C lyrics

I did a little gig not long ago And this dude came up to me after the show And he said to me, “Hey you know the only difference between ‘rap' and ‘crap?' It's the letter C” I thought, "This guy's wack" That joke's not even a wise crack, it's a dumb crack But the memories of pain in my bu*t Like a thumb tack in my bum crack, ‘cause I didn't have a comeback Man I wish I could've hit him with a zinger Should've served him with the verbal equivalent of a middle finger And now it'll linger forever but I've been stewin' over What I'd say to him if I could do it over He'd be like, “You know the only difference between ‘rap' and ‘crap' is the letter C?” I'd say, "Are you insured medically? ‘Cause you sure better be When you're broken in half from provokin' the wrath, and your joke didn't laugh And actually there's another difference between ‘rap' and ‘crap' you did not hit Rap describes my comedy on stage; crap describes your comedy off it” “Aw sh**!” “Oh crap!” Everybody within earshot would be like, “Oh snap!” I'd high five all around while the guy falls down in a ball on the ground Someone hands him the bandage to stop the bleedin' And when he manages to stand, I'd say, “Man you just got defeated! It's ironic, I sh** on your crap joke You could say I defecated on it” Murder, but I take it even further, he'd just be weeping, pathetically I'd say, “Hey! You know the only difference between ‘defeated' and ‘defecated?' It's the letter C” Sudden hush like when a skydiver pulls a rip cord Somebody tip toes forward, hands me a clipboard And I let dude read it, it's a loose leaf sheet And it says the word “defeated” I pull out a sharpie marker Narrow my eyes through my Warby Parkers Like, “Watch who you're f-in' with, with your f-in' ish” Then I write in the C, and he's f-in-ished, FINISHED Man, could you imagine if that's what I'd said If I'd come up with that off the top of my head I'd have shredded him, knocked him down, dead But like I said, that's not what I said (sigh)