Yo La Tengo - National Sports Association Hires Retired English Professor To Name New Wrestling Holds lyrics

The National Association Of Sports Administration Had a problem with one of its games. Some of the wrestlers were winning their matches With holds that didn't even have names. The ringside announcer and most of the fans Were surprised and completely confused, So they hired a retired college English professor To name the new holds that were used. A Slow Dance With Trouble Appointment With Pain And a Dunk In The Devil's Teacup King Tut's Crunch And the Rubber Wrist Twist Were all names the professor thought up. And then he came up with the Slow Poke (That's a wind-up and slow motion slap) And the Porcupine Hug ANd the Polar Bear Rub And the Snap-crackle-pop-crackle-snap The Lip Pull Hip Throw And Tongue Twister The Chin Pinch And High Diving Splat The Hair Pulling Eye Poking Nose Tweak And something called Shaving The Cat. After naming new holds every day for a week He got kind of carried away He started to talk the same way at home Every time he had something to say. Like: "Darling, please pa** me the tiny white balls From the table top tumbler vault." When all that he really meant to say was "Honey, please pa** me the salt."