X - My Suicide Letter lyrics

I put a gun to my head,- And before i pulled the trigger this is what i said Dear everybody I don't think anybody understands me,- It's like they don't see the things that i can see /(can see - can't see)/ Maybe i'm just trippin' today,- But for a while i've been fallin' into the darkness of a seemingly bottomless pit 'n it feels like all hope is just slippin' away,- Cause it's hard to'''still go on when stuff,- Just gets harder and i don't'''feel so stron'''g 'n tough,- But i'm f**in' done this sh** has gone on/i've allowed this sh** to go lon''g enough -SEE LIFE'S LIKE A GAME AND I DON'T WANNA PLAY IT,- BUT I CAN'T PAUSE OR SAVE IT-AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT I FEEL LIKE I MAY QUIT,- I FEEL CONSTIPATED-LIKE LIFE'S FULL OF sh*t 'N I CAN'T TAKE IT,- I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP ON LIFE I AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT,- I'M DYIN' TO BECOME FAMOUS 'N I WANNA PUT ON A REAL SMILE I DON'T WANNA FAKE IT,- LIKE MIKE TYSON I'M FIGHTIN' FOR MY LIFE,- EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE FIGHTIN' URGES JUST TO NOT KILL MYSELF WITH THIS GUN 'N PEN I USE WHILE WRITIN' OR MY KNIFE,- 'n I'd be lyin' if i say i've never regretted bein' born while i'm'''weepin' screamin' or ever thought of takin',- My own life cause i'm so tired of it i try to go to'''sleep 'n dream 'n forever not awaken But nightmares a**ault my thoughts while i'm sleepin'-and torment my mind while i'm dreamin'- And my life's a nightmare so it's like the only way i'll rest in peace 'n,- Feel comfortable is if i die or that's how it's atleast seemin'- Cause i'm an insomniac and i'm so tired of life sometimes i wish i'd never wake up or just cease breathin',- -a deceased demon'you can find me in hell cause i dwell there,- Livin' on welfare,-i'm wounded inside but i can't afford healthcare,- Where is the wealth share?- I feel like i'm dying i'm poor and i need help but they say the idea i'm supposed to earn money myself's fair,- 'n i wish i could work but my body's broke and it feels like there's almost'''less than nothin' i can do,- A lot of people criticize me like they don't understand what it's like when there's a demon inside'''wrestlin' tuggin' fightin' you,- So they call me a liar but they don't know the pain or'''stress 'n strugglin' i been through,- I'm so lonely i have low self esteem and no confidants which i could trust 'n confide into,- I can't even trust or turn to 'n confide in my own family,- And doctors aren't even interested in my bullsh** they just want their damn money 'n my situation's slowly become like this ever since october 2011,- My first cross country race 'n since then i've been suspicious of heaven,- When sh** just got worse 'n i realized everything i've worked so hard'''to gain is fallin' apart,- 'n the stress is all in my head but it feels like'''the pain is all in the heart,- I was almost out of options until i picked up rap 'n decided to involve in the art,- I felt hellbound,- I had noone like life alert to pick me up when i fell down,-on my frail ground- When i moved into my grandmas house estranged mentally 'n eventually i lost it 'n went to jail town,- Like my family some people call me a hypochondriac but trust me,- I'm sick of livin' in this world it disgusts me,- Sometimes i contemplate k**in' myself wonderin' if this how life must be,- I wonder if it's just me,-but see- -i never had a broad shoulder to cry on,- I havn't seen my father and the only one who supported me was my mom I guess bygones'll be bygones,- Though my ma and i are constantly brawlin' 'n fightin',- (ma - grandma/mom) So i keep scrawlin' 'n writin'-in my diary bawlin' 'n cryin'- But no matter how much i suffered from the'''fightin' pressure 'n struggled with strife'''with my ill mother,- Or'''i endeavored in trouble with life'''i still love her,- See i've always wished i woulda lived a happy peaceful life like some other kid,- I've always dreamed and yearned for someone else to love me and care for me like my(mum)mother did,- 'n i still remember how i felt about my sister miranda when she died,- 'n the moments i spent with my mother while we cried,- But even my mom didn't understand me and i was godforsaken by an absent dad,- And somehow i became this demon monster but all i wanted was the happy life i hadn't had,- Always sad 'n mad,-'n actin' glad when sad,- I felt like i was too cursed,- I waited and hoped for the best but in time the pain only grew worse,- It's like i was hellbound since birth so it wouldn't have mattered if i knew first,- Of the pain i'd have to endure so i speak to you all to prepare you so you''''won't see 'n go through,- What i have and people judged me but it pisses me off when people make a**umptions about you when they'''don't even know you,- They don't understand real sh**-or feel it,- 'n i don't really wanna appeal to that demographic of people but i still spit,- The ill sh**-'n k** it-though i feel like i might still quit,- Cause i just wanna leave this world i don't fit in or belong here,- I wanna make this song clear (this song clear) Cause although i've been full of ambition i'ma probably leave this world with a bunch of un'''spoken big regrets,- I never became a famous boxer or rapper or made the world a better place plus i never convinced my mom to quit smokin' cig'''arettes,- Plus i never apologized to my friends for inexplicably cuttin' our ties to live recluse cause i became a nerd awkward socially,- I lost almost everybody who's ever been close to me,-i look at my life 'n wonder if this is how it's supposed to be,- This isn't what i wanted but this is who i chose to be,- Like i said i'm unsociable,-emotional,- 'n i would be so tired of life i wouldn't even wanna wake up in the mornin' to go to school,- Cause i was always gettin' beat on,- 'n i got sick of gettin' used by hoes tryin' to get answers from me for the test they wanna cheat on,- Fast forward to the present i tried to drop out cause physical pain 'n stress 'n to me it seemed the people around me were showin' no care,- I had no plans for the future i became suicidal livin' off my mom 'n it seemed to me like my life was goin' no where,- But this is where i'm at now so i feel like it's pointless for me to go there,- So anyways back to the past i didn't see what the point of goin' to school is,- Is it to acquire an education or to be the coolest,- Cause when i went all i did is go to sleep or get harrased by bullis,- (bullies) Teasin' me cause i'm a lame kid,- I just wanted to be popular 'n famous like these celebrities but i look at them 'n see what the fame did 'n right now i'm busy bein' sick of puttin' up with bullies that think they're bad 'n tough,- I've had enough,-i'm done tryin' to act glad 'n bluff- Like my life's fine always mad 'n huff,- Life's just so sad 'n rough,- And it only gets progressively worse as if it wasn't already bad enough,- I've said it once 'n i'll say it again f** everyone i've had enough,- I've had enough of waitin',- To die soon this is torture /i'm/ constantly feelin' bad 'n suffocatin',- Slowly dyin' from anxiety attacks my throat al'''ways is short of breathe,- I hang onto hopes of goin' to a better place they call heaven contemplatin' how i'''may resort to d**h,- Cause i don't belong in this world i'm a misfit,- I didn't even have a choice bein' brought here i wish i never existed,- /i don't blame anyone but everyone is who i'm pissed at...every birthday celebration i ever had dad you missed it/ I wish i could go back to the happier days of my childhood i really miss it,- I'm tired of life 'n i'm sick of this sh**,- So don't be surprised if i'm found in a hot water filled tub with my wrists slit,- I have many reasons to die but just one real reason to live but i don't wanna list it,- It's too late,-'n i guess now it's time for me to face my due fate,- This is the result of true hate,- And i sincerely apologize to all those i love who may be affected by this please don't be mad mother,- And as for miranda i'm sorry i was a bad brother,- But father you can go to hell yeah dad f** ya f** you if you didn't care for me,- f** you if you weren't there for me,- f** you if you neglected me,- f** you if you expected me,- f** you if you let me down and f** you if you never protected me,- f** you if you painfully affected me,- f** you if you never respected me,- f** you if you objected me,- f** you if you corrected me,- f** you if you rejected me,- I'm a piece of sh** i say it proudly,-loudly,- f** you if you doubt me,- f** you if you kicked me while i was down,- f** you if you laughed at me like i was a clown,- f** you if you hate me basely,- f** you those of you that made me crazy,- f** you if you don't support me,- f** you if you try to extort me,- f** you if you treat me like i'm dorky,- f** if you if you don't show respect for me,- f** you think my raps are corny,- f** you if you don't feel my story,- f** you if you ignore me,- And f** you if you abhor me,- f** you if you judge me,-i refuse to let any of you haters budge me,- f** you if you're makin' a**umptions thinkin' you''''understand me or(uh)know me,- If you're one of these people then we're done ya can't be my(muh)homie,- f** everyone i hope you all die slowly,- f** everybody! Yeah f** me too! I'm f**in' done,- Where's my f**in' gun?- *co*k it (load) chick chick* Three, two, one *outro* Goodbye cruel world Sincerely, Justin Brown *blaow!*