X - Goodbye lyrics

*chorus* I really tried to be a good guy,- But ever since my child'hood i,-felt so lonely if only they understood my,- Pain maybe if i had some encouragement i'd feel the pa**ion that'd inspire me so i would try,- But right now i feel like i could cry,- Sometimes i wonder if i should die,-and give up on life and say goodbye, goodbyeee cruel, world I don't fit in or belong here so good bye cruel world,- Goodbyeeeeee...goodbyeeee Trust me i am no fool,- I'm aware that this world is so cruel,- But i don't understand the reason i was put in this'''place 'n why i'm here,- It seems to me like i'm jiss'''wastin' my time here (jiss - just) I feel like my life has no meaning er purpose,- (er -or) People keep yellin' at me screaming yer worthless (yer - your) Life in this world is so unfair it's so ridiculous,- I'm over sick of this,- I try to enjoy life so much i'm f**in' dyin' to live a bit,- I'm tryin' to give a sh**,- But nothin' is goin' my way,- sh** just keeps gettin' worse 'n there's always somethin' to f** up my day,- I feel sick so i seek help from doctors but the motherf**ers don't care about me they just want their damn money,- 'n i can't even trust my own f**in' family,- I'm tired of life but i'm scared to die,-i'm so accustomed to this bullsh** i'm too despaired to cry,- And it seems this paranoia'''i feel is real 'n i appear to be hexed My own mother'''still is stealin' my security checks It's gotten to the point i only see the worst in people,-i feel like every person's evil,- I'm pessimistic 'n paranoid to the point i'm always lookin' at life's bad side,- I look at my empty past and lack of accomplishments and wonder what life would've been like if i had tried,- 'n honestly i wish that i had died- Instead of my sister,-miranda or on second thought she'd have to suffer instead but goddamnit i miss her,- I see her in my dreams 'n all these memories are painful but i continue to keep these re'''mind'''ers intact- Even when pain awakens me 'n compels me to put every emotion into each line verse 'n track,- I contemplate endurin' life 'n its struggles 'n i don't think it's worth livin' for it,- I put in so much work but bullsh** is all i'm given for it,- 'n i'm sick of takin' this sh**,- It's like i got diarrhea my stomach's upset just thinkin' about every effort i'm makin' is it,- Worth it?-what's the point of earth it,- Bothers me 'n i have so many questions,- I want the right answers 'n it seems only god has 'em lord do you have any suggestions,- ... Tell me after i die where the f** am i gonna go?- Will i be just another memory rottin' in the earth or will i experience eternal bliss or damnation i wanna know,- ... 'cause as it is i go to sleep each night dreamin' of d**h wonderin' what it would be like if i would die tommorow,- 'n finally be able to say good bye to sorrow ... I feel like leavin' this world 'cause there's really nothin' to stay for,- Livin' every day sore-always yearnin' for way more,- Takin' shots at life hopin' i may score,- But i always come up way short,- ... This depraved world isn't worth stayin' 'n livin' in,- 'n i'm sick of dealin' with this constant bullsh** my resolve's finally swayin' 'n givin' in,- ... To my head i put the barrel of a loaded pistol,- 'n pray to god i'll go to a place that's happy 'n blissful,- I feel like i don't belong in this world i don't''''wanna live in-i don't fit in,- (live 'n) 'n when i feel like i'ma succumb to the stress i try to tell myself i'm not'''gonna give in,-i won't quit 'n- I'ma continue composin' these songs 'n keep writin' 'till i die 'cause my life is a mess,- SO i'm always upset attemptin' to release my emotions i'm tryin' to stress,- But i fail so i'm uptight 'n socially awkward 'cause i'm always too shy 'n depressed,- There's a war in my mind transpirin' 'n i'm dyin' fightin' against the tears i do cry 'n suppress I'M ALWAYS TIRED BUT WHEN I'M TOO FRIGHTENED TO REST''''N I'M SCARED I HAVE NOONE TO RUN TO I,- FEEL LIKE SAYIN' I'M DONE GUH BYE,- (GUH BYE - GOOD BYE) I WANT HELP BUT NONE OF MY- FRIENDS UNDERSTAND WHY I FEEL THIS WAY OR KNOW OF THE OTHER FEELINGS THAT I UNDERLIE,- 'N RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE PUTTIN' A GUN TO MY,- HEAD 'N BLASTIN' IT I AIN'T GONNA LIE,-HONESTLY I WANNA DIE,- BUT I REALLY WANNA ENJOY LIFE SO I KEEP TELLIN' MYSELF THAT I'M GONNA TRY- TO MOVE ON BUT I'M OVERWHELMED BY THE OBSTACLES IN FRUNNA MY,- (IN FRONT OF MY) PATH AND IT MAKES ME JUST WANNA CRY,- I KEEP PRAYIN' TO GOD FOR HELP 'N ANSWERS BUT HE WON'T RESPOND I WONDER WHY,- MAN ALL I fu*kIN' WANTED WAS ONE REPLY,- BUT NOW I'M SUICIDAL AND HOMICIDAL RUMMAGIN' THROUGH MY GUN SUPPLY,- I ATTEMPT TO CONJURE UP WORDS FOR A SUICIDE LETTER 'N HOW I SHOULD'''SAY GOOD BYE,- TO EVERYONE BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT I JUST WISH''''THEY WOULD DIE 'N AS I WRITE THESE WORDS I TRY TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I DON'T CARE ANYMORE,- BUT IF THAT'S TRUE THEN WHY DOES THE THOUGHT OF DEATH KEEP SCARIN' ME FOR,- WHEN I'VE BEEN TRAUMATIZED BY DEPRESSION 'N TRAGEDY,- WHILE OTHER PEOPLE JUST WALK PAST ME WITHOUT AGGRESSION 'N HAPPILY,- BRAG ABOUT THEIR GOOD TIMES 'N THEIR SILLY HAPPY LIVES,- IGNORANT OF OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THEM 'N THEIR REALLY CRAPPY LIVES,- 'N DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLE LIKE ME EVERY DAY GO THROUGH,- THEY JUST MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOU BASED ON THEIR PRECONCEPTIONS 'N THAT THINK THEY KNOW YOU,- Sayin' you're special and your life's precious but i honestly don't know why i'm even alive,- I want to find the will to achieve 'n the drive- To live but i've lost all motivation and interest to go on so i feel like i have no reason to strive- I try to take advantage of the happy things in life but i'm bein' deprived,- Instead people take advantage of me so i feel like a bee in a hive,- I feel like i don't wanna live yet i continue'''still to breathe 'n survive,- I've accomplished nothin' if only i had some real achievement to thrive,- On but i don't so i just mope around lookin' down on happy higher cla** people at the top with anger while they look down on'''me in delight,- I respond with indifferent apathy though they don't recognize my agony and pleadin' despite- My cries 'n respond by'''bein' polite,-instead of relievin' the plight,- I'm in distressin' in depression stressin' attemptin' expressions tryin' to stress it f** everyone i want to exceed 'n to write,- So i'm needin' the might-to succeed 'n to fight,- So my future won't be bleak 'n unbright-in which case i'm seekin' the light,- But i'm too blinded by rage hatin' everybody i'm insecure weak 'n uptight,- 'n all i can do is grieve in the spite,- So f** it if i finish writin' this letter today i'ma say goodbye to this cruel world 'cause i'm leavin' tonight,- To go to a place afar 'n what lies ahead is unknown,- 'n i suspect i'ma probably go to hell but i ain't goin' alone*echo alone 3 times*,- *chorus* Since my childhood i-tried to be a good guy,- But noone understood my-pain no matter how much i would try- To explain 'n it's gotten to this point where i feel like i could cry,- Sometimes i wonder if i should die,-and give up on life and say goodbye, goodbyeee cruel, world I don't fit in or belong here so good bye cruel world,- Goodbyeeeeee...goodbyeeee