I got a woman with one leg yeah I got a woman with two I got a woman with a wooden leg I'll tell you what that's gonna do We live in a little wooden home It's really no home at all Every time she wants another stump She takes another log from our wall I got a woman with one eye I got a woman with two I got a woman with a gla** eye I'll tell you what that's gonna do She gets up early in the morning She brings me up a cup of tea But when she brings my breakfast in bed The fried egg winks at me I got a woman with one leg yeah I got a woman with three (I got-a tree legs) I got a woman with a fibre concrete leg I'll tell you what that's gonna do to me She got up early one morning Tiptoe down my drive She gets two legs from my garden shed And now she's got six, she found another And now she's got six I got a woman with six legs I got a woman with ten (she has trouble with her underwear) I got a woman with twenty-two bloody legs I think I better start again We got up early one morning Did us a lot of fun Chasing round the bedroom with her legs 'til she's only got one, get off me chopper 'til she's only got one