W.E.B. Du Bois - The Quest of the Silver Fleece (Chap. 27) lyrics

The Vision Of Zora How Zora found the little church she never knew; but somehow, in the long dark wanderings which she had fallen into the habit of taking at nightfall, she stood one evening before it. It looked warm, and she was cold. It was full of her people, and she was very, very lonely. She sat in a back seat, and saw with unseeing eyes. She said again, as she had said to herself a hundred times, that it was all right and just what she had expected. What else could she have dreamed? That he should ever marry her was beyond possibility; that had been settled long since—there where the tall, dark pines, wan with the shades of evening, cast their haunting shadows across the Silver Fleece and half hid the blood-washed west. After that he would marry some one else, of course; some good and pure woman who would help and uplift and serve him. She had dreamed that she would help—unknown, unseen—and perhaps she had helped a little through Mrs. Vanderpool. It was all right, and yet why so suddenly had the threads of life let go? Why was she drifting in vast waters; in uncharted wastes of sea? Why was the puzzle of life suddenly so intricate when but a little week ago she was reading it, and its beauty and wisdom and power were thrilling her delighted hands? Could it be possible that all unconsciously she had dared dream a forbidden dream? No, she had always rejected it. When no one else had the right; when no one thought; when no one cared, she had hovered over his soul as some dark guardian angel; but now, now somebody else was receiving his gratitude. It was all right, she supposed; but she, the outcast child of the swamp, what was there for her to do in the great world—her, the burden of whose sin— But then came the voice of the preacher: "Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world." She found herself all at once intently listening. She had been to church many times before, but under the sermons and ceremonies she had always sat coldly inert. In the South the cries, contortions, and religious frenzy left her mind untouched; she did not laugh or mock, she simply sat and watched and wondered. At the North, in the white churches, she enjoyed the beauty of wall, windows, and hymn, liked the voice and surplice of the preacher; but his words had no reference to anything in which she was interested. Here suddenly came an earnest voice addressed, by singular chance, to her of all the world. She listened, bending forward, her eyes glued to the speaker's lips and letting no word drop. He had the build and look of the fanatic: thin to emancipation; brown; brilliant-eyed; his words snapped in nervous energy and rang in awful earnestness. "Life is sin, and sin is sorrow. Sorrow is born of selfishness and self-seeking—our own good, our own happiness, our own glory. As if any one of us were worth a life! No, never. A single self as an end is, and ought to be, disappointment; it is too low; it is nothing. Only in a whole world of selves, infinite, endless, eternal world on worlds of selves—only in their vast good is true salvation. The good of others is our true good; work for others; not for your salvation, but the salvation of the world." The audience gave a low uneasy groan and the minister in whose pulpit the stranger preached stirred uneasily. But he went on tensely, with flying words: "Unselfishness is sacrifice—Jesus was supreme sacrifice." ("Amen," screamed a voice.) "In your dark lives," he cried, "who is the King of Glory? Sacrifice. Lift up your heads, then, ye gates of prejudice and hate, and let the King of Glory come in. Forget yourselves and your petty wants, and behold your starving people. The wail of black millions sweeps the air—east and west they cry, Help! Help! Are you dumb? Are you blind? Do you dance and laugh, and hear and see not? The cry of d**h is in the air; they murder, burn, and maim us!" ("Oh—oh—" moaned the people swaying in their seats.) "When we cry they mock us; they ruin our women and debauch our children—what shall we do? "Behold the Lamb of God that taketh away sin. Behold the Supreme Sacrifice that makes us clean. Give up your pleasures; give up your wants; give up all to the weak and wretched of our people. Go down to Pharaoh and smite him in God's name. Go down to the South where we writhe. Strive—work—build—hew—lead—inspire! God calls. Will you hear? Come to Jesus. The harvest is waiting. Who will cry: 'Here am I, send me!'" Zora rose and walked up the aisle; she knelt before the altar and answered the call: "Here am I—send me." And then she walked out. Above her sailed the same great stars; around her hummed the same hoarse city; but within her soul sang some new song of peace. "What is the matter, Zora?" Mrs. Vanderpool inquired, for she seemed to see in the girl's face and carriage some subtle change; something that seemed to tell how out of the dream had stepped the dreamer into the realness of things; how suddenly the seeker saw; how to the wanderer, the Way was opened. Just how she sensed this Mrs. Vanderpool could not have explained, nor could Zora. Was there a change, sudden, cataclysmic? No. There were to come in future days all the old doubts and shiverings, the old restless cry: "It is all right—all right!" But more and more, above the doubt and beyond the unrest, rose the great end, the mighty ideal, that flickered and wavered, but ever grew and waxed strong, until it became possible, and through it all things else were possible. Thus from the grave of youth and love, amid the soft, low singing of dark and bowed worshippers, the Angel of the Resurrection rolled away the stone. "What is the matter, Zora?" Mrs. Vanderpool repeated. Zora looked up, almost happily—standing poised on her feet as if to tell of strength and purpose. "I have found the Way," she cried joyously. Mrs. Vanderpool gave her a long searching look. "Where have you been?" she asked. "I've been waiting." "I'm sorry—but I've been—converted." And she told her story. "Pshaw, Zora!" Mrs. Vanderpool uttered impatiently. "He's a fakir." "Maybe," said Zora serenely and quietly; "but he brought the Word." "Zora, don't talk cant; it isn't worthy of your intelligence." "It was more than intelligent—it was true." "Zora—listen, child! You were wrought up tonight, nervous—wild. You were happy to meet your people, and where he said one word you supplied two. What you attribute to him is the voice of your own soul." But Zora merely smiled. "All you say may be true. But what does it matter? I know one thing, like the man in the Bible: 'Whereas I was blind now I see.'" Mrs. Vanderpool gave a little helpless gesture. "And what shall you do?" she asked. "I'm going back South to work for my people." "When?" The old careworn look stole across Mrs. Vanderpool's features. Zora came gently forward and slipped her arms lovingly about the other woman's neck. "Not right off," she said gently; "not until I learn more. I hate to leave you, but—it calls!" Mrs. Vanderpool held the dark girl close and began craftily: "You see, Zora, the more you know the more you can do." "Yes." "And if you are determined I will see that you are taught. You must know settlement-work and reform movements; not simply here but—" she hesitated—"in England—in France." "Will it take long?" Zora asked, smoothing the lady's hair. Mrs. Vanderpool considered. "No—five years is not long; it is all too short." "Five years: it is very long; but there is a great deal to learn. Must I study five years?" Mrs. Vanderpool threw back her head. "Zora, I am selfish I know, but five years truly is none too long. Then, too, Zora, we have work to do in that time." "What?" "There is Alwyn's career," and Mrs. Vanderpool looked into Zora's eyes. The girl did not shrink, but she paused. "Yes," she said slowly, "we must help him." "And after he rises—" "He will marry." "Whom?" "The woman he loves," returned Zora, quietly. "Yes—that is best," sighed Mrs. Vanderpool. "But how shall we help him?" "Make him Treasurer of the United States without sacrificing his manhood or betraying his people." "I can do that," said Mrs. Vanderpool slowly. "It will cost something," said Zora. "I will do it," was the lady's firm a**urance. Zora kissed her. The next afternoon Mrs. Cresswell went down to a white social settlement of which Congressman Todd had spoken, where a meeting of the Civic Club was to be held. She had come painfully to realize that if she was to have a career she must make it for herself. The plain, unwelcome truth was that her husband had no great interests in life in which she could find permanent pleasure. Companionship and love there was and, she told herself, always would be; but in some respects their lives must flow in two streams. Last night, for the second time, she had irritated him; he had spoken almost harshly to her, and she knew she must brood or work today. And so she hunted work, eagerly. She felt the atmosphere the moment she entered. There were carelessly gowned women and men smart and shabby, but none of them were thinking of clothes nor even of one another. They had great deeds in mind; they were scanning the earth; they were toiling for men. The same grim excitement that sends smaller souls hunting for birds and rabbits and lions, had sent them hunting the enemies of mankind: they were bent to the chase, scenting the game, knowing the infinite meaning of their hunt and the glory of victory. Mary Cresswell had listened but a half hour before her world seemed so small and sordid and narrow, so trivial, that a sense of shame spread over her. These people were not only earnest, but expert. They acknowledged the need of Mr. Todd's educational bill. "But the Republicans are going to side-track it; I have that on the best authority," said one. "True; but can't we force them to it?" "Only by political power, and they've just won a campaign." "They won it by Negro votes, and the Negro who secured the votes is eager for this bill; he's a fine, honest fellow." "Very well; work with him; and when we can be of real service let us know. Meantime, this Child Labor bill is different. It's bound to pa**. Both parties are back of it, and public opinion is aroused. Now our work is to force amendments enough to make the bill effective." Discussion followed; not flamboyant and declamatory, but tense, staccato, pointed. Mrs. Cresswell found herself taking part. Someone mentioned her name, and one or two glances of interest and even curiosity were thrown her way. Congressmen's wives were rare at the Civic Club. Congressmen Todd urged Mrs. Cresswell to stay after the discussion and attend a meeting of the managers and workers of the Washington social settlements. "Have you many settlements?" she inquired. "Three in all—two white and one colored." "And will they all be represented?" "Yes, of course, Mrs. Cresswell. If you object to meeting the colored people—" Mrs. Cresswell blushed. "No, indeed," she answered; "I used to teach colored people." She watched this new group gather: a business man, two fashionable ladies, three college girls, a gray-haired colored woman, and a young spectacled brown man, and then, to her surprise, Mrs. Vanderpool and Zora. Zora was scarcely seated when that strange sixth sense of hers told her that something had happened, and it needed but a side-glance from Mrs. Vanderpool to indicate what it was. She sat with folded hands and the old dreamy look in her eyes. In one moment she lived it all again—the red cabin, the moving oak, the sowing of the Fleece, and its fearful reaping. And now, when she turned her head, she would see the woman who was to marry Bles Alwyn. She had often dreamed of her, and had set a high ideal. She wanted her to be handsome, well dressed, earnest and good. She felt a sort of person proprietorship in her, and when at last the quickened pulse died to its regular healthy beat, she turned and looked and knew. Caroline Wynn deemed it a part of the white world's education to participate in meetings like this; doing so was not pleasant, but it appealed to her cynicism and mocking sense of pleasure. She always roused hostility as she entered: her gown was too handsome, her gloves too spotless, her air had hauteur enough to be almost impudent in the opinion of most white people. Then gradually her intelligence, her cool wit and self-possession, would conquer and she would go gracefully out leaving a rather bewildered audience behind. She sat today with her dark gold profile toward Zora, and the girl looked and was glad. She was such a woman she would have Bles marry. She was glad, and she choked back the sob that struggled and fought in her throat. The meeting never got beyond a certain constraint. The Congressman made an excellent speech; there were various sets of figures read by the workers; and Miss Wynn added a touch of spice by several pertinent questions and comments. Then, as the meeting broke up and Mrs. Cresswell came forward to speak to Zora, Mrs. Vanderpool managed to find herself near Miss Wynn and to be introduced. They exchanged a few polite phrases, fencing delicately to test the other's wrist and interest. They touched on the weather, and settlement work; but Miss Wynn did not propose to be stranded on the Negro problem. "I suppose the next bit of excitement will be in the inauguration," she said to Mrs. Vanderpool. "I understand it will be unusually elaborate," returned Mrs. Vanderpool, a little surprised at the turn. Then she added pleasantly: "I think I shall see it through, from speech to ball." "Yes, I do usually," Miss Wynn a**erted, adjusting her furs. Mrs. Vanderpool was further surprised. Did colored people attend the ball? "We sorely need a national ball-room," she said. "Isn't the census building wretched?" "I do not know," smiled Miss Wynn. "Oh, I thought you said—" "I meant our ball." "Oh!" said Mrs. Vanderpool in turn. "Oh!" Here a thought came. Of course, the colored people had their own ball; she remembered having heard about it. Why not send Zora? She plunged in: "Miss Wynn, I have a maid—such an intelligent girl; I do wish she could attend your ball—" seeing her blunder, she paused. Miss Wynn was coolly bu*toning her glove. "Yes," she acknowledged politely, "few of us can afford maids, and therefore we do not usually arrange for them; but I think we can have your protégée look on from the gallery. Good-afternoon." As Mrs. Vanderpool drove home she related the talk to Zora. Zora was silent at first. Then she said deliberately: "Miss Wynn was right." "Why, Zora!" "Did Helene attend the ball four years ago?" "But, Zora, must you folk ape our nonsense as well as our sense?" "You force us to," said Zora.