Vesania - Disgrace lyrics

rising of a solemn ceremonial dawn. fainting of a darkened yet resplendent sky. gazing down at the shadows of those I left behind. listening to the hollow overtaking stillness.. so convinced of things to come on this day. I awaited the sunrise.. I kissed all that I cared of, I paid off all that I owed to anyone, I closed all doors carefully, closed the undone. I wanted to collect all these moments of joy and I have them all standing all around me now.. I'm ready, the time is ripe. the things undone no more standing in the way of my resolution, my final composure. I'm done trying to live.. I walked up the road that I planned to this tallest bridge across forever. you saw me pa**ing by and never said a word. I climbed to the top and stood right on the edge. the sun was rising, the air was thin and you could hear the water glides. the mind so clear for this everlasting moment of clarity. the feeling so pure and free of morals as I spread my arms wide.. and then I felt this. cold shivers creeping flesh. I turned around convulsively holding to the ground, so scared, so terrified I didn't make a sound.. and I stayed there kneeling down, despairing and facing the dirt, calming down this trembling flesh and bones of this wretched self. I would never thought there could be anything more pathetic than this. why cant we neither live nor die, why are we so weak.. going back, my head's down. uttermost disgrace, and a life to face.. I'm sure you were there, why didn't you push me down.