Too $hort (too Short) - Pimp Council lyrics

[Too $hort] All rise...order in the court The honourable judge muthaf**in' Too $hort Presidin' over Superior Players Court The first case is the State vs. Fate Wilson A.K.A. Baby Flex You bein' charged wit home invasion and ho slaughter For f**in' another n***a's b**h [Lil' Fate] Listen close to what I say Dog, it might hurt ya I be cuttin' ya girl while you be goin' to work bruh When she first called my conscience was like, "Hell naw, Fate don't" But she said, "I'm only around the corner", and popped her lil' punt Apartment 5-7-0-1, told her I was eatin' right now Be over there when I get done Got there, knocked on the door She opened up the door half naked, lookin' exquisite Ackin' mad 'cuz I ain't spoke to her since the last time a n***a hit it She said, "Don't worry forget it since we only have 30 minutes" 'Fore her man came home for lunch So I bust my nut and raised up wit Five minutes to spare, her man unaware I saw him in traffic, beeped the horn and threw a deuce in the air Yea I'm a playa But I feel guilty 'bout cuttin' a broad I need counselin' dog, 'cuz it's guilty as charged Simply because I felt victim to lust and Knowin' all the while it was my cousin girlfriend I had been f**in' (Damn!) [Too $hort] The court finds you guitly as charged Your sentence is PUI school For pimpin' under the influence, n***a Next case... Oh we got us a repeat offender in the house Jenny Jones A.K.A. Shanwnna Same ol' charge...wanted in 8 states What's yo story this time? [Shawnna] Oh yes yo' honor I see we talkin' again I have no representation now shall we begin I know you seen my face before but...hold on my friend It's n***as gettin' away wit doin' the...same sh** I did I...can't do no bid I got a mortgage and my kids In a forest by the bridge And I drives a Rolls Royce in a porridge wit dem grills So you undertand I was tryna pay me some bills When I was flippin' outta state while I was takin' a chill Shootin' deem and a couple friends, spend a couple ends Took the top off of the drop and let the bubble spin n***as got off in my knot and let them troubles in So I decided to put that sh** in my own hands None of these hoes can f** me, only God judge me That man told me he love me and he flash money My only crime could just be livin' it filthy So let me hear it on mo' time--not guilty [Too $hort] Bailiff, take her into custody (Woman screaming) Oh, not my baby! Hell naw! [Too $hort] Next case... State vs. Velvet Jones A.K.A. Ludacris You bein' charged wit impeedin' how traffic Spendin' too much time tryna f** one ho How do you plead Mr. Jones? [Ludacris] Man I'm the pimp of all pimps and y'all comin' up short [Too $hort] Calm down before I hold yo a** contempt of court [Ludacris] Ya honor, just be cool, let me approach that bench And sprinkle seasonin' on yo ears 'bout how I choked that beeyotch! [Too $hort] Well did she promise you the p**y, mayn? [Ludacris] She ceratinly did I got empty McDonald's cups in my car and my crib She owe me sumthin', b**h betta show me sumthin' Wrap her legs around my waist and start to throw me sumthin' I'm simply the meanest, you lookin' at the stroke of a genius The only verdict made should be the subpoena uh this penis No objections or appeals, let's cut us a deal And I promise to tell the truth if my partner don't squeal She's awfully cautious, said the jury makes her nautious She said she said she'd s** my dick if I dropped the charges Oh no! Time to make ya kidneys shift [Too $hort] But didn't you f** her best friend? [Ludacris] Oh, I plead the fifth [Too $hort talking] Yea, that sound like some sh** you'll say Ol' pimp a** n***a Due to lack of evidence, I'm droppin' the charges Don't let me see you in here again Let this be a lesson learned If you don't know you player rules You liable to violate the game and get sent away for a long, long time Remember...never hate on a real player It ain't gon' get you nowhere, mayn It's a lotta hoes out there player so... Ain't no reason fot yuo to f** ya best friend Or ya cousin or ya brother's girl Get ya own b**h, mayn, you know what I'm sayin'? You runnin' around here... Violatin' major player rules You 'bout to get the muthaf**in' book thrown at yo b**h a** f**in' 'round in this court You know what I'm sayin'? It's all about the money baby It it ain't about the money...it ain't about sh*t!! To all you n***as runnin' 'round here... Corny than a motherf**er Just tryna f** a b**h 'cuz you wanna get a nut off Think about that money first, mayn--what is that b**h doin' for you? What are you gettin' outta the situation? Tryna give a b**h sumthin' What you gon' give her sumthin' for--some p**y?! It's trickin', mayn Don't be a BEEUTCH! Be a real pimp, n***a Make that ho pay you for everythang you do Everythang you do you gotta get money, mayn...all day, all night I wouldn't f** a b**h for free Just like I wouldn't rap for free, motherf**er Yea, you know my favorite word...BEEUTCH!!