Tonedeff - Masochist lyrics

(Verse 1) Everything happens for a reason And my reason to be's to see sh** happen for a reason – One event to the next It's like I'm stuck at the box office with every second my clock tosses Into my face, smacked with a case of fate wasted and lost causes I've been mocked and accosted, to the point that I got nauseous Though my flow's been plugged enough to stop faucets I've thought often about tossing this awesome gift to the wind And start crossing over to sin with this intention to blend that I get from within I've protected my skin with a thin layer of pride and showmanship But both my coats are ripped and I can't seem to decide on clothes that fit Supposing this rap sh** actually pays off, I'm wondering if it'll all be worth it Cause this is what everyone in my life has ever been hurt with This curse, this evil urge I feel for verses Is one of my life's real perversions I seal my curtains when I write, I feel disturbance from the light I deal with dirt and yet I want to heal the earth and peel the surface to reveal it's perfect And words I wield with purpose, and yet nobody follows the plot They rather hear me rock off of the top There's pitfalls in my socks, so I walk with caution Somebody halt the auction! Cause my soul's on sale, and I thought I lost it (Chorus 2X) If I gotta fight for the rest of my life Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah) Cause I hate the way you hurt me But I can't get enough of your love (Verse 2) And who the hell am I supposed to be? A holy priest holding a rosary? Some type of bold stoic Moses of poetry? Should I be holding heat to pose for the streets A total phoney? If I said my name was 'Tony' would you know it's me? Supposedly, T-O-N-E flow with ease over these bolder beats But the flow's too cheap to pay for groceries And in the throws of grief I choke and breathe Loaded with my parents hopes and dreams, yet I don't know if we both believe I scope the scene, and I'm watching these bills build up I'm nice with a day-job, these n***az write all day and still s** And yet they fill clubs, sell a trillion and feel s*uts I k** dubs, but I don't have the mills to pay for real pub My chilled love melts on occasion Cause brainwashed n***az only feelin' my track if Clue or Flex will play it Who you expect to say this sh** if I don't? What? Cause I don't wanna be extorted by some cat who lets cash determine his playlists I'm searching for ways in, but entrances are sparse when you're hard to market f** art, cause thugs aren't the smartest targets And I'm not abstract enough, so it seems backpackers are acting up And I thought it was half the battle, just to have the love And pack a truckload of sk**s, politics are ill and yo, it's real It seems I'm cruising, and they're still using these crooked stones for wheels And when you know the deal, it doesn't evoke the most appeal Like stolen Kosher Meals, lemme propose a toast to heal (Chorus) (Verse 3) I've sacrificed so many facets of life, just to achieve this From Love & definitive reason, to trust in agreements My family suffered a grievance when we discussed I was leaving Seeming substituted for tunnel vision and it probably crushed all their feelings There's something appeasing in the corruption of demons Feeding me vehemently lustful delusions of bucks from succeeding But times up, months it's exceeded Peeling the scabs off of cuts that are bleeding knowing I ain't had it as tough as Jesus This sh** doesn't compete or even touches what he did But, will I be signed by 33? Cause my teens were f**ing depleted Blessed with a gift, equipped to a**ist in the destruction of heathens But, please, would god really want me snuffing emcees, then? (Ha) I must be conceited, right? Well, I'm balanced out by the lack of self-esteem I've felt since I've learned how to read & write Overcompensation spelled relief when the rhyme schemes are tight Then I feel the weight of a cheapened life when 5,000 people die (SOB! SOB!) Feel bad for the rap artist? But pour your soul into something for responses that's half-hearted Terminate relationships on the basis of past hardships And then you'll see why every review's like another line on my scarred wrist This light-hearted voice becomes jailed by the darkness It's impossible to trap my lips, when I have to spit I try to swim away, but I keep getting dragged back in this Come to find my arms automatically swimming backwards, Cause I'm a Masochist (Outro 3X) If I gotta fight for the rest of my life Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah) Cause I hate the way you hurt me But I can't get enough of your love