[Verse 1] I saw it advertised one day Bear mountain picnic was coming my way "come along 'n' take a trip We'll bring you up there on a ship Bring the wife and kids Bring the whole family" Yippee! [Verse 2] Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket To this bear mountain picnic But little did I realize I was in for a picnic surprise Had nothing to do with mountains I didn't even come close to a bear [Verse 3] Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier Six thousand people there Everybody had ticket for the trip "oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship Besides, anyway, the more the merrier" [Verse 4] Well, we all got on 'n' what do you think That big old boat started to sink More people kept a-piling on That old ship was a-slowly going down Funny way to start a picnic [Verse 5] Well, I soon lost track of my kids 'n' wife So many people there I never saw in my life That old ship sinking down in the water Six thousand people trying to k** each other Dogs a-barking, cats a-meowing Women screaming, fists a-flying, babies crying Cops a-coming, me a-running Maybe we just better call off the picnic [Verse 6] I got shoved down 'n' pushed around All I could hear there was a screaming sound Don't remember one thing more Just remember walking up on a little shore Head busted, stomach cracked Feet splintered, I was bald, naked Quite lucky to be alive though [Verse 7] Feeling like I climbed out of my casket I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home Wishing I'd never got up that morn [Verse 8] Now, I don't care just what you do If you want a have a picnic, that's up to you But don't tell me about it, I don't want a hear it Because, see, I just lost all my picnic spirit Stay in my kitchen, have my own picnic In the bathroom [Verse 9] Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny What some people are going to do for money There's a brand new gimmick every day Just to take somebody's money away I think we ought to take some of these people And put them on a boat, send them up to bear mountain For a picnic