Thomas Seltzer - The Inspector-General (Act 4 Scene 5) lyrics

Khlestakov and Luka Lukich, who is practically pushed in on the stage. A voice behind him is heard saying nearly aloud, "Don't be chickenhearted." LUKA [drawing himself up, trembling, with his hand on his sword] I have the honor to present myself—School Inspector, Titular Councilor Khlopov. KHLESTAKOV I'm glad to see you. Take a seat, take a seat. Will you have a cigar? [Offers him a cigar.] LUKA [to himself, hesitating] There now! That's something I hadn't anticipated. To take or not to take? KHLESTAKOV Take it, take it. It's a pretty good cigar. Of course not what you get in St. Petersburg. There I used to smoke twenty-five cent cigars. You feel like kissing yourself after having smoked one of them. Here, light it. [Hands him a candle.] Luka Lukich tries to light the cigar shaking all over. KHLESTAKOV Not that end, the other. LUKA [drops the cigar from fright, spits and shakes his hands. Aside] Confound it! My damned timidity has ruined me! KHLESTAKOV I see you are not a lover of cigars. I confess smoking is my weakness—smoking and the fair s**. Not for the life of me can I remain indifferent to the fair s**. How about you? Which do you like more, brunettes or blondes? Luka Lukich remains silent, at a complete loss what to say. KHLESTAKOV Tell me frankly, brunettes or blondes? LUKA I don't dare to know. KHLESTAKOV No, no, don't evade. I'm bound to know your taste. LUKA I venture to report to you—[Aside.] I don't know what I'm saying. KHLESTAKOV Ah, you don't want to say. I suppose some little brunette or other has cast a spell over you. Confess, she has, hasn't she? Luka Lukich remains silent. KHLESTAKOV Ah, you're blushing. You see. Why don't you speak? LUKA I'm scared, your Hon—High—Ex—[Aside.] Done for! My confounded tongue has undone me! KHLESTAKOV You're scared? There IS something awe-inspiring in my eyes, isn't there? At least I know not a single woman can resist them. Isn't that so? LUKA Exactly. KHLESTAKOV A strange thing happened to me on the road. I ran entirely out of cash. Can you lend me three hundred rubles? LUKA [clutching his pockets. Aside] A fine business if I haven't got the money! I have! I have! [Takes out the bills and gives them to him, trembling.] KHLESTAKOV Thank you very much. LUKA [drawing himself up, with his hand on his sword] I will not venture to disturb you with my presence any longer. KHLESTAKOV Good-by. LUKA [dashes out almost at a run, saying aside] Well, thank the Lord! Maybe he won't inspect the schools.