The West Wing - Enemies Foreign and Domestic lyrics

TEASER MONDAY FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Carol is sitting at her desk, sipping coffee and looking through the morning wires. She highlights a piece on Saudi Arabia and tries to print it, but gets a message that the network printer is in use. CAROL Whoever's on the printer, get off! Now! STAFFER [OS] That's me! CAROL Get off! CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J., Sam, Toby, and a few people are inside. SAM You want to make it clear that we're pushing for Slovenia and possibly the Baltic states. Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania. C.J. Not Fredonia? We're going to leave Fredonia out there? TOBY The point is, the zero option's off the table. C.J. Hooray for Captain Spalding... TOBY Can we please? C.J. Hey, aren't we pretty much admitting all the countries we formed NATO to fight? TOBY Yes. C.J. Then why not dissolve it? TOBY We like the bomber jackets. Carol approaches from outside. C.J. [to Toby] See, when you make a joke... TOBY My jokes are funny. C.J. Fredonia was pretty good. TOBY Heard it. Carol pa**es papers to C.J.. Ginger comes in with a coffee cup for Sam. C.J. [to Toby] I'll give you $500 if you perform "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" at this year's Gridiron. SAM [to Toby] She's got to get in there. Can we talk about sugar subsidies? TOBY We're not done talking about the summit! SAM It's a two-day grip and grin. TOBY And, you know, you of all people... the Russians finally elect a reformer, and you still... SAM 20 years in the KGB, an election that will make Tammy Hall look like the League of Woman Voters... I'm not sure that qualifies as a... C.J.? Both turn to C.J. who has finished reading the paper Carol handed her. C.J. [reads, swaying in one spot] There was a fire at the King Fatah Middle School in Media. Seventeen girls died in the fire, when they were prevented from coming out into the street and rescue workers were prevented from saving them. SAM [stands up] What was preventing them? C.J. The Muttawa. The girls weren't dressed properly. Don't comment! I haven't spoken to the President, to Leo, to State, to anybody. You guys want to muzzle me before I go in there, speak now or forever hold your peace. God knows it's not likely I'm gonna. C.J. walks out of her office. TOBY [to Sam] Let's get a good spot. CUT TO: INT. ENTRANCE TO THE PRESS AREA - DAY C.J. pauses a moment before walking into the Press Room. Carol follows, Toby and Sam stay behind. C.J. Good morning! REPORTERS Good morning! C.J. I have some scheduled details on the summit. Air Force One will depart Andrews at 7pm Friday, arriving at Helsinki 4am Eastern time, that's 11am Saturday local. Presidents Bartlet and Chigorin will have their first meeting at three o'clock at Mantyniemi - that's change, photo op, stills only, at the beginning of the meeting. KATIE C.J.? What does the President see as the goals of the summit? C.J. Well, first to meet the new Russian president, but they show the aspiration of building a secure and undivided Europe. STEVE C.J., are you aware of the fire that happened at King Fatah Middle School? C.J. Yeah, that's a tragedy. Chris? CHRIS Saudi news is reporting that rescuers were prevented from getting to several female students by religious police. C.J. Yeah, I read that too. Steve. CHRIS Does the White House have a comment? C.J. I literally just got this a minute and a half ago. I haven't spoken to the President, or Chief of Staff, State or anyone in communications, this is just me. STEVE Well, do you have a comment? C.J. I don't, no. STEVE I'm sorry, C.J., but you're not outraged by this? C.J. [beat] Outraged? I'm barely surprised. This is a country where women aren't allowed to drive a car. They're not allowed to be in the company of any man other than a close relative, they're required to adhere to a dress code that would make the Maryknoll Nun look like Malibu Barbie. They beheaded 121 people last year for robbery, rape, and drug trafficking, they've no free press, no elected government, no political parties, and the royal family allows the religious police to travel in groups of six, carrying nightsticks and they freely and publicly beat women. But "Brutus is an honorable man." Seventeen schoolgirls were forced to burn alive because they weren't wearing the proper clothing. Am I outraged? No, Steve. No Chris. No, Mark. That is Saudi Arabia, our partners in peace. Bonnie, then Scott. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY Sam is inside taking papers from Ginger as Charlie walks in. CHARLIE Sam, you know a guy named Farley who worked here before I did? SAM Where did he work? CHARLIE He worked for the President. SAM No. What's his first name? CHARLIE I don't know. A kid wrote a letter to the President saying that when he was governor and campaigning, that he met his a**istant Mr. Farley. They walk up to SAM'S OFFICE. SAM It's probably one of the guys early on. I didn't know any of them. CHARLIE Yeah, except it couldn't have been from that early on, 'cause the kid says they met when his father took him to the speech about the budget in Pittsburgh. SAM [walks out] You mean San Diego. CHARLIE He says Pittsburgh. SAM [taking more papers from Ginger] We never did a budget speech in Pittsburgh. CHARLIE This is a little weird. SAM Well, how many weird letters does the President get a day? CHARLIE [follows Sam around] Couple of thousand, but this one had the President private mail code on it, that's why I got it. SAM Well, how many confused people does the President befriend every day? CHARLIE Couple of dozen, but he doesn't give them the private mail code. [They stop in front of the Roosevelt Room.] SAM I don't know. I'm on with the Russians. Charlie walks off, Sam opens the door to THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. There are two men inside. SAM Good morning, I'm Sam Seaborn. NIKOLAI IVANOVICH Nikolai Ivanovich. GEORGE KOZLOWSKI George Kozlowski. SAM [shakes their hands] Thanks for coming by. This should be quick. They settle around the table, Sam opposite the two Russians. SAM Let me first say that President Bartlet is looking forward to meeting with President Chigorin and having a mutually productive meeting. KOZLOWSKI Mr. Seaborn, uh, we understood that the protocol arrangements have been... have been finalized by the... by the advance teams in Helsinki. SAM That's right, but there are points I'd like to revisit. My thinking being - I could relay my concerns to you at the emba**y and you could send them on to Moscow and hopefully, get an answer quickly 'cause we're coming down with it now. KOZLOWSKI I'm sorry, I... uh... SAM It's coming up quickly. The summit, it's Saturday, and this is Monday. KOZLOWSKI Ah, yes, yes. SAM We've agreed to a consecutive translation? IVANOVICH Yes. SAM I'd like to change that to a simultaneous translation. IVANOVICH They prefer that the two leaders pause while their remarks are... rendered? Rendered into their particular language. SAM President Bartlet has a rhythm to his speaking pattern, and it's best if it's uninterrupted. That's the only reason I bring it up. IVANOVICH We'll pa** that on. SAM I'm sorry, pa** it on? IVANOVICH Yes. SAM [smiles uncertainly] I'm sorry, it's just that one is good and one is bad. We'd already agreed on the Grand Salon in Finlandia Hall for the 6:00 meeting and I wanted to change that to the Hall of Flags. IVANOVICH Hall of Flags. Didn't we agree 3:00 for that meeting? SAM It's funny you should mention that. IVANOVICH I'm sorry? SAM It's funny... [thinks about his choice of words] It's a coincidence that you should happen to mention the time of the meeting. See, President Chigorin only has to fly through one time zone. President Bartlet has to fly through seven. Don't get me wrong, this President can do three shows a night, but there's no one in the Western Hemisphere who has a worse reaction to jetlag than he does. Any trip 8 hours or longer and someone gets fired at the end of it, and it's already been me three times, so... IVANOVICH We'll pa** it on. SAM I think everyone on the White House staff would agree when I say that one is a deal-breaker. IVANOVICH All right, then. Was there anything else? SAM Oh, yeah, we're just getting started. You guys hungry? IVANOVICH No. SAM [flips notepad open] Okay. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY Donna is inside when C.J. comes in with papers. DONNA You ready? C.J. Yeah. Where are we going? DONNA The yogurt place. Are those angry faxes? C.J. [looking through papers] Yeah. They're very angry faxes. DONNA From Saudis? C.J. Yeah. DONNA Well, what did you expect? C.J. Very angry faxes from Saudis and angry e-mails. Look at these. C.J. points to her laptop, and Donna sits at her desk to read off the screen. DONNA I'm seeing some troubling spelling here. 'Godless' with two "d's." C.J. [takes her purse] Let's go. DONNA Hang on. C.J.... C.J. I saw it. DONNA It's a d**h threat. C.J. It's not a big deal. DONNA You sure? C.J. Yeah. Don't tell anybody, okay, I don't want a lot of production. DONNA All right. C.J. Thanks. DONNA [shouts] Josh! Can you come in here an look at this, please? C.J. Donna?! Donna makes a face at her. Josh pops by at the door. JOSH Look at what? DONNA C.J.'s e-mail. Josh looks at the e-mail. C.J. waits impatiently. JOSH Call Frank Tenney downstairs. Tell him I want to talk to him right away. DONNA Yeah. [runs off] C.J. You take this seriously? JOSH Yeah, it's a d**h threat, C.J., I take it seriously. [stands up] I had some experience with this. [walks out] CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet is inside with a crowd. BARTLET Thank you all so much. Bye-bye. People thank him and leave. He walks over to his desk. Leo follows. BARTLET Bye-bye. LEO They have a picture they want to show us. BARTLET Of what? LEO I don't know. [beat] We've got a problem. Jake Kimball came to see me this morning. BARTLET What's he doing here? LEO Looking a hundred years old. Antares is going to announce the chip recall on Thursday. BARTLET How big? LEO Everything. BARTLET [takes off his gla**es] What are you talking about? LEO They discovered a problem with one of the... BARTLET That's got to be 50 million chips! LEO 80 million. BARTLET Leo, how the hell did... LEO I know. BARTLET That's the end of Antares. LEO Yeah. BARTLET 98 thousand workers, I think 75 thousand in the US. Plus the kidney punch at NASDAQ... LEO I think Jake's going to put a shotgun in his mouth, I really do. Charlie walks inside. CHARLIE Sir... BARTLET Yeah. Fitzwallace walks in. A few people in uniform follow. FITZWALLACE Mr. President. BARTLET [hurries to shake his hand] Fitz! Fitz, you old polecat, you old so-and-so! FITZWALLACE You trying to be one of the fellows, sir? BARTLET Yeah. FITZWALLACE Well, well-done, sir. BARTLET Thank you. FITZWALLACE This picture was taken by an SR-71 during a routine flight over in the Gulf. This is Bushehr, and this is what looks to me like the early days of construction of a light water reactor. Light water is... ordinary water, sir, it's tap water. It's Perrier. BARTLET Yeah. FITZWALLACE Light water is what's used for nuclear reactors and the Iranians have contracted the Russians to build them a light water reactor for that purpose. BARTLET What's the problem? FITZWALLACE Four intelligence agencies are telling me I'm wrong, and I am. The Russians are building them a heavy water reactor. BARTLET What do you use heavy water for? LEO Plutonium. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOBBY - DAY TUESDAY Toby walks up to a guard. TOBY Good morning, Janice! JANICE Good morning, Mr. Ziegler. TOBY I think it's time we made it 'Toby.' JANICE Okay. TOBY That's a nice uniform. How long have you guys had that uniform? JANICE About a thousand years. TOBY Okay. C.J. walks up and swipes her ID through the machine. C.J. Hey, Toby. TOBY [to Janice] Excuse me. [follows C.J. inside] I'm gonna tell you something, you ready? C.J. What? TOBY I've got nothing to do. C.J. [checks her mailbox] What do you mean? They reach the BULLPEN AREA. TOBY [laughs] I got to the office at six and it turned out that everything I was supposed to do got done by seven thirty; some strange fluke of the calendar, so I'm just out here walking around. You know, just being in the world. C.J. In the hallways. TOBY Yeah. Well, you know, yeah. C.J. Well, I'm gonna change all that. I'd like you to meet with a Russian reporter named Ludmila Koss, she's the Washington correspondent for the Novaya Gazeta, she wants credentials and a seat on the press charter. TOBY Why is she asking us? C.J. The Russians banned her from the summit. TOBY Why? C.J. She supported the other guy. TOBY Aha. Time to teach these Stoli-drinking Tchaikovskys a thing or two about free press American style! You don't ban those who supported you opponent, you make them wallow in their losedom by covering your victory. You sit them in the front row. You give them a hat! I will save Ludmila Koss, for I am Toby, and in doing so... Why am I going on like this? C.J. [smiles] I don't know. TOBY Set up the meeting. Obviously, I have a little time. C.J. Thank you. They walk in different directions. CUT TO: INT: C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS C.J. walks in as Ron bu*terfield is standing inside. C.J. Ron? RON C.J., Frank Tenney spoke to me this morning. C.J. Yeah, Josh made me see him yesterday. He filed everything he was supposed to file. RON Can I see the message? C.J. It's just, you know, it's what it is... RON Could you type in your pa**word? You checked your e-mail yet today? C.J. I just got here. [opens her e-mail] RON Okay, he sent another one at 5:20 this morning. Have you had cyber-threats like this before? C.J. Not explicitly. RON Agent Tenney says that you don't recognize the sender's address. C.J. No. RON Have you had a bad breakup with a boyfriend lately? C.J. Come on, Ron, I haven't had a boyfriend in a... I get a lot of hate mail. After the President, I'm the single most visible person in the Federal government, every day I'm on TV and every day exactly half the people are going to disagree with you and some of those people are going to hate you and some of those are gonna write letters. RON Yeah, this isn't hate mail, this is a d**h threat. Can I use your computer for a second? C.J. Sure. She gets up and Ron takes her place and starts typing. RON Okay. I'm gonna need to take your hard drive. C.J. Why? RON I just used tracer tools and the server and the IP address don't match. The address was invented to disguise the origin. C.J. At my briefing yesterday, I made some remarks about a situation in Saudi Arabia. I may have gone too far, I was thinking about apologizing. RON Yeah, this doesn't have anything to do with that. C.J. What do you mean? RON Mulsim extremists don't get personal. They don't know your name, they don't care. They don't want one person, they want dozens or hundreds, that's why they don't use bullets. k**ing one person is a waste of a bomb. He wants you, why doesn't he want me? Someone will be along in a few minutes to get your hard drive and we're intercepting all your e-mails from the address. Thank you. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY IVANOVICH The press conference can be moved to 9 o'clock. SAM Thank you. IVANOVICH And... excuse me. [whispers with Kozlowski] Thank you. Venue, yes. [to Sam] And the venue can be moved to Hall of Mirrors. SAM Flags. IVANOVICH Yes. But we need something from you. SAM Okay. IVANOVICH On his arrival, and during outdoor photograph opportunity, President Bartlet must wear overcoat. SAM Coat? IVANOVICH He must wear coat. He must wear gloves. Scarves and earmuffs - permissible, but optional. SAM Hang on. 'Cause yes, 'cause President Chigorin wants to wear a coat and doesn't want to look like a wimp... IVANOVICH Sam, it is freezing too cold in Rheykjavik, it is freezing too cold in Helsinki, it is freezing too cold in Staad, why must every American president bound out of an automobile like he's at a yacht club, while in... excuse me, compare? KOZLOWSKI Comparison. IVANOVICH Comparison. While in comparison, our leader looks like... I don't even know what word is. SAM Frumpy? IVANOVICH I don't know what 'frumpy' is, but onomatopoetically, sounds right. SAM It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy' but knows onomatopoeia. I'll talk to the President about the coat. We'll have our final meeting tomorrow on the last points and that will be that. [stands] IVANOVICH Thank you, sir. SAM Thank you. [leaves] KOZLOWSKI What is onomatopoe... IVANOVICH Sounds like. Sounds like. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Sam walks into it and meets Charlie. CHARLIE Well, you were right. SAM About what? CHARLIE The President never made a budget speech in Pittzburgh. He's nine, so he would have been five or six at the time, maybe he thought everything was a budget speech. SAM Or maybe, it's just a crazy letter. CHARLIE It's not. SAM How do you know? CHARLIE 'Cause I read a lot of crazy letters. SAM I got a letter last year asking me if I would donate my brain to a medical school in Granada. I'll tell you, there are days when I think, "Yeah, why not just get it over with?" They reach SAM'S OFFICE. Charlie stops at the door and Sam walks inside. CHARLIE He had his picture taken with the President. The advance guys always get the name and address and we send a copy. There's no record of a picture being sent to this kid. Plus, his father's in trouble. SAM Why? CHARLIE He's a furnace worker at the Franklin Mill and the kid said they may fire him 'cause he wants to join a union. He spoke to a group called the Steel Workers Organizating Committee. Have you ever heard of them? SAM Yeah, except they have a different name today. CHARLIE What? SAM The AFL-CIO and furnace workers are all unionized. STAFFER Charlie. [hands him a piece of paper] Charlie reads the note and walks off. Toby pa**es him by. TOBY Hey, Charlie. CHARLIE Hey. TOBY Ms. Koss? LUDMILA KOSS [entering with Ginger] Yes. TOBY Toby Ziegler. Come on in. Toby and Koss both walk in TOBY'S OFFICE. TOBY You write for the Novaya Gazeta. KOSS [sits down on the couch] Yes. TOBY Your circulation's gotten huge. KOSS [laughs] Highest daily in Rissia. TOBY And it's hard to tell whether that's because of your reporting, your editorials, or the naked women on page three. KOSS [chuckles] We did not invent this thing, nor did we invent the comic strips or lotto. TOBY Touche, madam. [sits] So what did you do to piss off President Chigorin? KOSS President Chigorin does not like criticizm. TOBY Have you met someone who does? KOSS That is not the point. TOBY No, I... I'm just talking. [They laugh.] Listen, you're already credentialed to cover our President, it's just a matter of putting you on a plane and, before I do that, I want to check with the State department to make sure it's not a grotesquely insulting thing to do to a new President from whom the US is hoping for quite a bit. KOSS Oh, so your first amendment only extends as far as it's polite? TOBY No, it extends farther then that but it only protects us. Believe me, if we were able to inforce US law around the world, I'd retire and go scuba-diving. KOSS You like diving? TOBY I've never done it. I've... never done anything, but I've seen pictures and it looks fun. I've seen pictures of people out there in the world, and they all look like they're glad they are. Now, granted, when I'm looking at these pictures, somebody's usually trying to sell me something, but tell you what: I'm 44 years old and I'm buying. I usually don't talk this much, but I'm having an odd day. Want to stay for a little and look at pictures of scuba-diving? KOSS No, thank you. TOBY [stands up] Okay, then. We'll talk tomorrow. KOSS Thank you very much. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY A meeting is over. People are leaving. BARTLET Thank you so much. Thank you. LEO Listen, before we go in there, let's stay a second and talk about Antares. BARTLET Yeah. LEO It's not like there's nothing we can do. BARTLET There's nothing we can do. LEO I'm not saying Commerce or Treasury calls the banks, but an emergency loan guarrantee if we can get Congress to... JOSH [comes up as they exit the room] Good morning, sir. BARTLET Good morning. [to Leo] Yeah, we can't do it. LEO How did it go over there? JOSH Well, they confronted the RussiansAtomic Energy Minister with the photographs. LEO And? JOSH He denies everything. BARTLET That's good enough for me. JOSH He doesn't deny that they're building a reactor; they've had contracts with Iran since '76 and he says that Deuterium-based reactors had been up and running in Canada for years. They walk back into THE OVAL OFFICE. Fitzwallace is standing in it. BARTLET Well, Canada, Russia - roughly the same relationship with the US. Fitz, you old horse thief, you old muckety-muck! FITZWALLACE Well, good morning again, sir. BARTLET Josh says the director of MinAtom says it's commercial power production. FITZWALLACE [as they both sit] Yeah, except that there are no power lines to and from the site. And there's no reprocessing facility. This one's 50 megawatts thermal, which is identical to the reactor Pakistan's got in Kushab. This isn't used to make the lights go; it's used to make plutonium. Mr. President, I'm not your National Security Advisor, or your Secretary of Defense or State. But the Russians are giving Iran the bomb. BARTLET Well, that's what was said by my National Security Advisor twenty minutes ago, right after it was said by the Secretaries of State and Defense. And, for what it's worth, the directors of the CIA, NSA, FBI and Naval Intelligence. JOSH Leo, isn't MinAtom in terrible shape? LEO It lost some customers after Chernobyl. JOSH [sits] Yeah, that's 'welcome to free markets the hard way,' but my point is the light water reactor contracts are way behind schedule, there are all kinds of technical failures. BARTLET You think the Iranians forced them to build them a heavy water reactor? JOSH To satisfy the contracts, maybe. BARTLET Crap. And even if that were the case, it doesn't make them Jean Valjean. They want to power broker in the Middle East. Just what the doctor ordered for the Middle East. Bartlet stands up, and everyone else stands as well. BARTLET All right, while avoiding the biggest diplomacy disaster since I don't know when - Josh, Leo, you guys have to figure out a way to get me out of it. JOSH Get him out of what? LEO He's not going to Helsinki. [leaves] FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY WEDNESDAY Josh and Leo sit across from each other. JOSH There's something... really good on television. LEO What? JOSH That's why he can't go, there's something really good on television and the President doesn't know how to work a VCR. Leo tosses his head back. JOSH Well, it's not that he doesn't know how to work it, they know he's got a staff and wouldn't buy it. It's... It's that he doesn't trust technology. LEO Josh. JOSH This is insane! LEO News of the reactor is going to break, you know it will, and it's going to break at the worst possible time. In fact, my money's on - it's gonna break right next to the picture of him shaking hands with Chigorin. While wearing a coat, to protect his MS-riddled body from the fierce climate in Finland. JOSH How can you guys, all of you, be so sure it's not MinAtom and the other Cold War holdouts, the ex-Soviets, walking around... LEO I don't care who it is... JOSH There are other issues on the table! There's NATO expansion, the Caspian pipeline... LEO [shouting] You don't get to put it on in Iran! There are no other issues on the table right now. We're going to have to fly over there and blow this thing up and given what they're manufacturing there, I don't know if that's possible. [stands up and sits in another chair] We were all so smart. Russia's hobbled, the next conflict's going to be in the Middle East. Turns out it is in the Middle East. With the Russians. JOSH You haven't answered my question. LEO What question? JOSH Chigorin just took office four months ago. How can you be sure it's not a rogue thing? LEO I don't want a leak, Josh. Everyone's proceeding like we're going? JOSH Yes. How can you be sure? LEO I can't. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY Toby is walking through. A Man from State Department calls out to him. MAN Toby! TOBY Thanks for coming down. MAN Is there still a summit to go to? They walk into TOBY'S OFFICE. Toby hastily closes his door. TOBY I'm sorry, what did you say? MAN I'm sorry about that. I ask because... TOBY Yeah. I mean, I wanted to talk to you because I'd been asked to put a reporter from the Novaya Gazeta on the press plane. MAN That's a mistake. TOBY You understand I'm talking about a pencil and pad of paper, from which no one has ever died. MAN You understand there isn't a paper or any publication in Russia that is more critical of the Chigorin government. TOBY Well, the editorial judgement aside, what's the damage a**essment? MAN Well, the point of the summit is to build strong bilateral ties with the new administration, so... TOBY We make it clear it's not personal. MAN How do you suggest we do that? TOBY I don't know... What are the things I can do? MAN We've got about half a dozen American reporters in Moscow whose credentials are pending. Toby, this is like if they credentialed the Enquirer to cover the summit! TOBY If the Enquirer asked us, we'd credential them. Making sure the Enquirer can write whatever it wants is the only way I can be sure the New York Times is writing whatever it wants. MAN Well, you asked me what I thought - I'm a hundred percent against it. CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY C.J. is pacing nervously. Charlie walks out of the Oval Office. CHARLIE Okay. C.J. Thanks. C.J. walks into THE OVAL OFFICE, where Bartlet and Ron bu*terfield are standing. C.J. Good morning, Mr. President. BARTLET You're gonna get Secret Service protection, but I can't order it unless you sign this piece of paper, so sign this piece of paper. C.J. Sir, can I ask why you feel it's necessary... BARTLET Because Ron says it is, and around here we do whatever Ron says. C.J. Well, I think it might be an over-reaction. BARTLET Good for you. With all your years of training and experience in sniffing out crime, your opinion really carries a lot of weight with me. C.J. I don't want to appear fragile. BARTLET Are you kidding? C.J. Sir... BARTLET We're talking about one bodyguard. I have twelve, and that's before I leave the house. You ever count the number of guns that come along with me when Abbey and I take in a play at the Kennedy Center? Do I seem fragile to you? C.J. No, sir. BARTLET Then... C.J. You're also not a woman in a man's job. To say nothing of the fact that you're required by law to be protected by the Treasury Department. You don't have a choice. And frankly, sir, you and I both know that you score points frequently with the public and with the press by shrugging off your Secret Service and doing whatever... going to a book store. BARTLET I don't care. C.J. Sir... BARTLET I don't care! You're part of my family, and this thing is happening and I simply won't permit it. Sign the piece of paper. C.J. Look... BARTLET Let me tell you something! The last time a member of my staff got a d**h threat, they missed him and hit me! C.J. Ron... is there any evidence... any evidence at all that this guy... Look, I work in the White House, everybody knows that, but is there any evidence to suggest that... She stops abruptly, intercepting a look Ron and Bartlet share. Bartlet nods to Ron. Ron takes some photographs and shows them to C.J. C.J. [bu*tons her jacket nervously] Where did you get these? RON Today's e-mail. C.J. That's me leaving my house on Monday. This one's at a restaurant where I had dinner with my niece. This one's from this morning... it was taken from about twenty feet away. All right, okay. [walks to the table and signs the paper] RON Let's go outside and talk. C.J. Okay. Thank you, Mr. President. C.J. and Ron step outside. Charlie walks in. CHARLIE Toby. BARTLET Yeah! TOBY [walks inside] Good morning, sir. BARTLET [OS] What's going on? Charlie steps out. TOBY [OS] I just wanted to give you a heads up - the journal's going to run an editorial with regard to broken promises in fiscal spending. Charlie picks up some papers and returns to the Oval Office. BARTLET Oh man, the greatest campaign speech ever about money - FDR promises to tighten our belts. What's he do when he gets here - spends more than we knew could be spent. And it's 'cause he discovered it's better for long-term growth. [sits down to read] TOBY The journal probably wrote an editorial about his broken promises too. BARTLET Hey, I should be able to reference that speech. When did he give that? It was in the industrial North East. TOBY Pittsburgh, PA. Charlie is just on his way out when he hears this. BARTLET Charlie, FDR gave a budget speech in 1932 in Pittsburgh, can you get your hands on a copy? CHARLIE I'm sorry, sir? BARTLET I said, FDR gave a budget speech in 1932... CHARLIE Yeah. Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. TOBY Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET Mmm-hmmm. Toby and Charlie leave. Leo walks in through another door. LEO Good morning. BARTLET How's it going? LEO Is there a TV show you really, really like? BARTLET No. LEO Then don't worry about it, let's talk about something else. BARTLET What? LEO Helping out Antares. BARTLET [sighs] Aaaah, was wilst du von mein Leben? What do you want from my life? The government can't be in the business of cosigning loans. LEO We wouldn't be handing them a bag of unmarked bills, just backing the loans to cover the cost of the recall. BARTLET [stands up] It's a subsidy. LEO It's a small one! BARTLET I'm an economist! LEO Sir! This was not a failure of business, it was... I don't know, it was a mistake, it was human error, and Jake's been completely forth... BARTLET The marketplace will take care of Antares. LEO The marketplace will k** Antares. BARTLET That's what's supposed to happen. LEO It's not like it's unprecedented, sir. We helped out steel. BARTLET That was an industry that was hurt by unfair trade practices. Antares was hurt by their own carelessness. LEO A loan guarantee doesn't cost the taxpayers a nickel. BARTLET Unless they go under and either way they've just said 'We're open for business.' LEO For a corporate icon that feeds into tech companies, computers, aerospace. The ripple effects, workers losing jobs, it's a blue chip stock that's in every major... BARTLET [shouts] They were huge contributors! How the hell am I supposed... They were huge contributors! LEO Carelessness doesn't have to exist for a mistake to be made. BARTLET [sits at his desk] What? LEO You said it was carelessness and I don't believe carelessness has to exist for a mistake to be made. Jake was a contributor, and he's never asked for a favor, not even now. He was a contributor 'cause he knows us, and we know him, and we know, that if a mistake happened in design or production at Antares it wasn't shoddy... it wasn't on the cheek. You know how many chips have acted up so far? One. Dollars to donuts, he could have gotten away with it. But he wanted to warn people they may have a problem before... I don't even know what happens when 80 million computers stop working right. But tell me this isn't exactly how we want American business to behave! I know it doesn't look good, he's a friend of ours. But there is a reason he's a friend of ours. BARTLET They're announcing end of business tomorrow? LEO Yes, sir. BARTLET [sighs] I'm not saying anything, but grab some people and put together some numbers. LEO Yes, sir. BARTLET I'm not saying anything. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. Leo walks out of the office. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY THURSDAY Sam is again in a meeting with Ivanovich and Kozlowski. IVANOVICH The Baltic herring industry was subject of recent trade agreement between Russians and Finns. However, we'll take off menu. SAM Why? IVANOVICH We were asked to: Mrs. Bartlet likes shrimp. SAM That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Put whatever you want on the menu. IVANOVICH Very well. SAM I would like to request that the press pool be allowed to take photographs in the Arctic People's exhibit. IVANOVICH Also very well. SAM And that, my good friends, is that. It was a pleasure doing business with you. KOZLOWSKI Uh... we have one more. SAM Name it! KOZLOWSKI On the issue of the language in the joint statement. SAM Well, I can't negotiate language of the statement. IVANOVICH It's just a suggestion. SAM The language has been worked out with the State, Commerce, and Defense, it's way... IVANOVICH Will you hear suggestion, Sam? SAM Okay. IVANOVICH [clears throat, reads] "Both President Chigorin and myself agree that we must enter 21st century as partners and friends, not as adversaries. We must lead way and stem in tide of nuclear proliferation and we must start with ourselves, for why should two nations still possess power to destroy each other ten times over; surely, once is enough." SAM Whose idea was this? IVANOVICH Mine. SAM Who wrote it? IVANOVICH I did. [hands him the notes] You will, uh... pa** it up? SAM Yeah. IVANOVICH That's good one, yes? SAM Yes. Thank you. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY Ludmila Koss enters. KOSS Hello. TOBY Hello. Toby points to the couch and picks up papers from his desk. TOBY Here are your credentials for the plane, here's your plane ticket, here are your credentials for the Palace, the Saturday press conference, the Arctic Peoples exhibit, the Sunday press conference, and the Hall of Flags. KOSS Thank you very much. TOBY Either way, I found out why Chigorin and his people have such a problem with you. KOSS It's because I don't flatter them. TOBY No, it's because you stink. KOSS I beg your pardon? TOBY You can beg all you want, you're not gonna get it. Last month, you alleged that the Chigorin government bombed several apartment buildings based on an unattributed source. It was refuted; you never retracted! KOSS The government's case was all over the television! TOBY [holds up a printout] Last week, you had a cover story about President Chigorin's mother-in-law moving closer to the Kremlin. You printed her home address, she had to relocate. KOSS [stands up] Well, that's her decision. TOBY You reported the failing grades of the Defense Minister's twelve-year-old son! Does that even count as journalism? Does that do anything but bring ridicule on a defenseless kid? We've got people like you here, on cable and on the Internet, and there's no one anywhere on the ideological spectrum that doesn't roll their eyes when their names are spoken out loud. You know, we've always had free press here, we take it for granted... how can you [crumples the paper] treat it like this?! You should give up your space and put another naked woman in there! [beat] Anyway. Here are your credentials. Toby throws them on the desk. Koss picks them up and leaves. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Several people including Fitz, Josh, Leo, and Bartlet are inside. LEO The Majority Leader moves up HMO reform. BARTLET He'll do that? LEO We've talked to him. He's moved up HMO reform, there's nothing we can do about it, and the welfare of your people comes first. Sam walks inside. Josh approaches him and reads what Sam gives him. WOMAN He has a Duma, he'll understand. FITZWALLACE This makes sense. LEO We save face and send a strong message. BARTLET Anybody? Can I use this to get out of weddings and stuff? [sits down] Sam, the Majority Leader's gonna move up HMO reform and my Duma's gonna vote on it, what do you think? JOSH Sorry, sir, would you hear what Sam has to say for a moment? BARTLET What? SAM [walks forward with the note] Listen, I'd like to tell you about something and if, when I'm done, you think I sounded like an idiot, just know that I'll be feeling like one as well. Nikolai Ivanovich, the senior member of the logistical negotiating team, said he had language he wanted added to the joint statement, and that he wrote it himself. LEO What's he getting involved with the language of the statement for? SAM Yeah. [opens the note] What he wanted added was, "Together in partnership, we must stem the tide of nuclear proliferation, for why should our two nations still possess the power to destroy themselves ten times over; surely once is enough." Now, I have to tell you, sir, that both these negotiators had conversational English, but they didn't have idioms. I promise you... BARTLET 'Stem the tide" is an English idiom. SAM Yeah, and they don't have 'surely, once is enough' either. JOSH Sir, Chigorin wrote that. SAM I think he's trying to send you a message, Mr. President. BARTLET He is trying to send me a message. EVERYONE Exactly, Mr. President. BARTLET [stands up] We've been trying to get non-proliferation on the agenda, we've been trying to put those exact words in Chigorin's mouth. JOSH He's got the whole Soviet defense establishment that's trying to do business. FITZWALLACE Wait a second! Hang on... You're telling me that foreign policy of this magnitude is conducted through Sam and I'm still alive? SAM We're pretty impressed ourselves, Mr. Chairman. FITZWALLACE Why didn't he just have somebody pick up the phone? JOSH It's the old diplomatic corps, and he can't trust them yet, sir. BARTLET Fitz? FITZWALLACE I think he's going out on a limb. [stands up] I think you should meet him there. BARTLET Let's go to Helsinki. But the reactor's first thing on the agenda. Anybody? LEO Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET Thanks, everyone! Thank you. Thanks! The people begin to leave. LEO I've got Jake Kimball in my office. BARTLET I'll be right in. Sam! SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET Nice job. SAM Thank you. BARTLET Tell me again why I can't wear whatever the hell I want? SAM Well, that's not entirely true, sir: the earmuffs are optional. BARTLET I probably won't be wearing them. SAM Yes, sir. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Bartlet walks inside. BARTLET Whatever happened to Pong, huh? It was great, it was relaxing, it had that very satisfying sound? JAKE KIMBALL I, uh... I don't know, sir. BARTLET Yeah, me neither. Leo? Leo hands him a note, Bartlet reads it. BARTLET No. Leo wanted to see if we could guarantee a loan. JAKE I didn't know that. I can't ask you for that. BARTLET I appreciate that, and I can't give it to you, but I think I can do Leo one better. LEO What? BARTLET We'll stay his biggest customer. When you announce your recall, you can announce you're keeping your government contracts. Leo will work it out with Congress. JAKE [overwhelmed] That's very generous, Mr. President. I appreciate your confidence. BARTLET Talk to me about the 75 thousand workers. JAKE I won't be taking any salary for two years and my managers will cut their salaries by 50 percent before we even consider laying anyone off. BARTLET All right. Jakie, this is the White House, if we only screw up twice before breakfast, it was a very good morning. JAKE Yes, sir. BARTLET One more thing: you can't make any more campaign contributions to me, or any Democrat. You can vote, but that's it. JAKE Yes, sir. BARTLET I knew I'd get screwed by a computer one day. [Leo smiles.] I have an important photo op, excuse me. [leaves abruptly] CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY Charlie is inside when an old man is seen through the door. NANCY Charlie. Charlie comes out. CHARLIE Mr. Tatum? DR. TED TATUM I'm Doctor Tatum, I'm the one you talked to on the phone. [They shake hands.] This is my father. CHARLIE I'm Charlie Young. I'm personal aide to the President. ALAN TATUM Yes? CHARLIE You didn't tell him anything, right? DR. TATUM He thinks we're on Candid Camera. TATUM Or that this is a ruse of some kind. What the... CHARLIE It's not a ruse. [Nancy hands him papers.] When you were nine, you wrote this letter to Franklin Roosevelt. You met him when he was governor of New York, and a candidate for President. TATUM Well, I'll be damned. CHARLIE You met his personal aide, Tom Farley. That's me. Mr. Tatum, by any chance, the apartment where you grew up in Pittsburgh, was it 2345 Northern... TATUM ... State Boulevard. CHARLIE Yes. That's the only residential building in Pittsburgh that's been torn down recently. In fact, it was just two weeks ago. Somebody found your letter and put the right postage on it. TATUM Well, would you look at what people do! CHARLIE I tell you, none of it would have happened, except there's a five-digit code that Presidents give out to close friends, and President Bartlet copied his from FDR. BARTLET [approaches from behind] For the hundredth time, it was an homage! CHARLIE Yes, sir. Bartlet shakes hands with Tatum. BARTLET Alan Tatum? TATUM Yes, sir! BARTLET The White House owes you one picture. TATUM Oh, my! DR. TATUM Let's go, Dad. TATUM Oh, Mr. President, this is my son, Ted. BARTLET [as they shake hands] Good to meet you! TATUM He's a doctor. BARTLET I'm sorry. I'm married to one. No, you meant that as a good thing! Let's go. They walk into THE OVAL OFFICE. BARTLET FDR was a fine president, don't get me wrong, but if you want something done right, dammit, call New Hampshire! Come in, please. The Tatums enter and stand next to Bartlet as a photographer takes pictures. BARTLET Are you retired, Mr. Tatum? TATUM Yes, sir, 53 years on the Spirit of St. Louis. New York to St. Louis. BARTLET [to Dr. Tatum] Your grandfather was a furnace worker. Your father was on a railroad. You couldn't find an honest work? TATUM I'd like my picture taken with that young man, if you don't mind. BARTLET Charlie! [motions for him to come over] Charlie steps into the picture as Bartlet walks out and more shots are taken. PHOTOGRAPHER Thank you. TATUM [shakes hands with Charlie] Thank you. DR. TATUM Well, thank you very much, sir. This was really a once-in-a-lifetime experience for both of us. BARTLET Where are you going? You got pictures, what do you I get? TATUM I don't know what... BARTLET You were there, you were at his feet, you got to tell me everything! Sit, we're going to get some food. [to Dr. Tatum] You sit quietly over there and try to resist temptation to bill me for something. Dr. Tatum laughs, as everyone sits down. CUT TO: INT. BULLPEN AREA TO C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT C.J. walks through to her office and sees an Agent standing in the doorway. She slides past him inside. C.J. Hello. SPECIAL AGENT SIMON DONOVAN C.J. Cregg? C.J. Yeah. SIMON Special Agent Simon Donovan. I'm with the Treasury Department. C.J. Aha. What branch of the Treasury Department, Agent Donovan? SIMON [shows her a badge] U.S. Secret Service. I don't like flashing it around, it gives some people the jumps. But Agent bu*terfield said you were a reluctant customer. C.J. How does this work? SIMON What is it you'd like to know? C.J. Well, first of all, from how far away can you do this? SIMON I can respect a certain perimeter of privacy. C.J. What does that mean? SIMON I don't need to see you naked or anything. C.J. Okay. SIMON Though, 'better safe then sorry' is a bit of a motto for us at the Treasury. I don't know, you're the boss. I'll be leading a detail of four agents each working a third of the day, one day off a week. We'll set up a command post in your apartment building, set up surveillance, you can put your car in a garage, you'll be using ours. Carol walks in with some papers and leaves. C.J. walks out of her office, Simon follows. C.J. You can't come in the Briefing Room. SIMON A crowded room where anyone can get credentialed and you're up at the podium? No, I'm pretty sure I'll be there. C.J. This is what you meant by I am the boss? SIMON Uh... yeah, I guess it's more of an honorary thing. C.J. tries to open a door, Simon closes it in front of her. SIMON This guy isn't small-time, Ms. Cregg. You're being hunted. By the way, I can't guarantee anything except to say that if you're dead, chances are I am, too. C.J. Well, I guess it's gonna have to be the little things now. SIMON Yeah. I'll check in with my command. Simon leaves, as C.J. enters the next room, looking back at him. She shuts the door. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END