The Rohan Theatre Band - Boneless Joe lyrics

Now Boneless Joe was a bony man, Though his hands were big as dinner plates, And his eyes were often wide as a ghost on fire, And he always wore his tail between his legs, And whenever anything were to startle him, The blood would rush straight to his head, No, you wouldn't find a more cowardly man, Amongst the living or amongst the dead, He had 22 goats and 16 cows, In a field big enough to pitch a circus, And he traded it all in for a barrel of gin, And a ticket on a boat called Dr. Faustus. Now some say this was most brave of him, And some thought he'd found his true metal, But I always knew he was running away, From the secret buried underneath the stable, So he sailed and he sailed and he sailed again, 'til he got to the other side, Then he walked and he walked and he walked again, 'til a van pulled up and offered him a ride Now Boneless Joe was a long way from home There was no one there to hear his cries When the man in the van pulled the mask from his face, And revealed he was the devil in disguise. "Oh, you've come a long way to find me", he said, "Though I'm surprised that you tried to run away!", "Coz I was with you when you butchered all the bodies, And I helped you with the digging of the graves", "And I thought that we'd struck up an honest deal, And I thought we were partners through and through, But it seems that you want to escape from me now, And that's something that I cannot let you do", Now boneless Joe was too scared to speak, And far too scared to make a single move, And the devil just grinned though his yellow teeth, As Joe stared down at his patent leather shoes. "So what shall we do to move on from here?", Asked the devil with a twinkle in his eye, "I think maybe you should come along with me And I'll take you for a little ride", And the drove and they drove and they drove again, 'til they drove on through the gates of hell, And poor old Boneless Joe with his eyes open wide, Saw many things too terrible to tell, And they finally arrived on the other side, And the horror on his face was understood, "This time it was just a warning", said the devil, "Next time it will be for good". So if you have secrets that you want to escape, Or bodies that you want to keep buried, Don't try to run from the devil at your side, 'coz you'll find he's really living in your belly, And don't try to drown him in a barrel of gin, Coz you'll always find him smiling at the bottom, Oh there's really no escape when the deal is done, For a devils deal is not to be forgotten.