Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace There's no carpet on the floor Don't try to order dinner There's no kitchen anymore But if the road's been kinda bumpy And you need to rest a spell Well, welcome home To Happiness Hotel If you've got luggage keep it handy But you're running out of luck 'Cause the bellhops ain't too organized And the elevator's stuck Still if you don't mind friendly animals And you can learn to stand the smell Well, welcome home To Happiness Hotel Welcome home (Welcome home) Oh, welcome home (Welcome home) No matter where you wander You will never do as well O.K. the lobby's looking shabby And it's got the wrong address And the whole dang thing has been Condemned by 'Merican Express Still the management is cheerful Though the whole joint's gone to hell Well, welcome home To Happiness Hotel Oh there are bugs (there are bugs) And there are lice (there are lice) Sure we have our little problems But you'll never beat the price You've got ev'ry kind of critter You've got ev'ry kind of pest But we treat them all as equals Jes' like any other guest Though you're cleaner than the others Still as far as we can tell You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel We'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel Say cheese!