The Macc Lads - Uncle Knobby lyrics

My name is Uncle Knobby, I hang around primary schools Underneath my raincoat, I'm always totally nude I show my navel fluff collection to lots of fully-clothed men I get a full erection, and have to rush to the gents Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home? Why do you hide in the bushes? What have you done with our clothes? I introduce my penis to hamsters, gerbils and mice I like to read Fiesta, and peek at the reader's wives Ooh! Uncle Knobby, where's our special treat? Why do you keep taking pictures and sniffing our bicycle seats? I grummidge in my portfolio, which is full of Tampax ads I look up my own bottom with mirrors from ladies' handbags Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home? We've never seen any dil*os, we don't want to wear pantyhose Ooh! Uncle Knobby, Why have you smeared us with cake? We don't like standing in custard, and we don't want to play with your snake.