The Macc Lads - Turtles Heads lyrics

The fit bird at Tesco with the ma**ive tits said she'd meet me tonight And she'd ring me at six, The phone's rung twice, I haven't picked it up, Coz I'm sitting here staring at a toilet duck There's a turd hanging out of my arse I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled There's a turd hanging out of my arse It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads Then I had a visit from a man in a suit, he said: "Is anyone at home? I'm from Littlewood's Pools." He never heard me screaming, or the toilet flush So I threw him a message on a dirty bog brush, It said: There's a turd hanging out of my arse I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled There's a turd hanging out of my arse It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads The window cleaner's coming, its time to finish, I'm off down the local for a pint of Guinness The fit bird from Tesco says she wants a quick shag Sticks her tongue down my throat, and her hands down my bags. There's still a turd hanging out of my arse I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled There's a turd hanging out of my arse It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads