The Jibster - Hammered lyrics

[Intro] La la la la (hic) la la la la la La la la la (hic) la la la la la La la la la (hic) la la la la la La la la la (hic) la la la la la [Verse 1] I was laying in bed With a beer bottle in my hand I'm almost 21 So I'm close enough to be the man But I'm still in bed Looking so pa**ed out I don't know what happened But I think I ga**ed out *Fart sounds* I had a dream About these pretty s**y girls I stick my hand up one of their a**es And pull out some pearls But they were covered in sh** So I started to hurl Because it was sh**ty And she had too much fur I'm not a geek And I'm not weak But can I use my hands To squeeze your a** cheeks I wear the gla**es And don't drink mola**es But instead I love Looking at girl's a**es [Hook] I'm so hammered That I wanna slam her I'm always hammered When I f** her like a mammal Please don't get hammered When you start to damn her You do stupid sh** So let's pop that s**y zit [Verse 2] I brought with me Another beer bottle I got in my truck And start to pull the throttle Yes I'm driving drunk Oops I think I ran over a skunk *Splat Sounds* Oh sh** they're's cops Trying to pull me over To make me stop But I don't care if I pop Their tires with a spinning top It was embarra**ing to them Cause they were on their block And now my mouth stinks Cause I s**ed on a stinky sock [Hook] I'm so hammered That I wanna slam her I'm always hammered When I f** her like a mammal Please don't get hammered When you start to damn her You do stupid sh** So let's pop that s**y zit [Verse 3] I have a pet cat But I want to knit her I never knew that that will make her bitter Maybe I should tweet this Next time I'm on twitter Cause I'm so drunk I don't know what I'm doing Spend the last time at the nursing home On a sink and when I start pooing I love food but my favorite thing Is to start beef stewing What the f** is wrong with me When I start to jerk Just let me be I need privacy Cause when you walk in on me I start to cry You see So ha ha ha Let me jerk off to this picture And close the f**ing door Cause man don't I love these who*e Now I hope you learn from this That getting drunk Can make you drive fast in a mist And you get all horny over girls And you just want to reach in her p**y To stir And you act all lovable And always tell the truth But never think to f** that dead baseball player Baby Ruth So never get in a habit of drinking Whew Geez what's that Smell no more stinking