The Extraordinaires - Hi-Five the Cactus lyrics

Let me introduce you to a cactus named Hi-Five You won't find a kinder, gentler, nice, succulent alive The only problem was, is he liked to give hi-fives And the needles on his hands were sharp as Oriental knives All the animals would laugh as they walked by And they'd make fun of him and kick up rocks and dust into his eyes And even though the cowboy never joined He'd just keep standing there watching with some whiskey and a grin After years of torment, poor Hi-Five gave up He just stood there on the ranch collecting water in his gut And then a dry spell hit the town for 7 years And I bet you'll never guess who showed up sobbing and in tears "Dear Hi-Five, we're sorry And our well is dry Dear Hi-Five, we're thirsty" To which Hi-Five replied, "Don't you cry, I'll let you take of me my arm If you can promise not to do me harm I don't want my friends to starve So go to the toolshed and bring the saw Bring the whiskey and a rag to chew on You look parched so let's get this done" And so they praised Hi-Five His sacrifice would save all of their lives And so they hacked up every inch of his left arm And the animals and cowboy they drank with disregard And no sooner after all their tongues were wet Did the animals and cowboy start teasing him again At this Hi-Five let out a bellow of a laugh He said, "My friends I'd hoped you all be less predictable than that 'Cause I made a pact with all the buzzards and the rats That if they could feed me all the poison they could find in that there shack There'd be plenty twitching carca**es around For I've poisoned all my juices to destroy this little town Say your prayers as your eyesight fades away And prepare to be a main course for the scavengers' buffet!"