Sweeney Todd Cast - The Contest lyrics

I am Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers Da barber of kings E buon giorno, good day, I blow you a kiss And I da so-famous Pirelli I wish-a to know-a who has-a da nerve-a To say my elixir is piss? Who says this? I do, I am Mr. Sweeney Todd And I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir And I say to you, it is nothing but an arrant fraud Concocted from piss and ink He's right, phew Better to throw your money down the sewer Ladies and gentlemen Pay no attention to that madman Who's to be the first for a magnificent shave? And furthermore, I have serviced no kings Yet I wager that I can shave a cheek And pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity Than any street mountebank You see these razors? The finest in England I lay them against five pounds, you are no match for me You hear me, sir? Either accept my challenge Or reveal yourself as a sham, bravo, bravo Zees are indeed fine razors Instruments like zees once seen Cannot be soon forgotten, and a fine extractor too You wager zees against five pounds, sir? I do You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see How he will regret his folly, five pounds it is Friends, neighbors, who's for a free shave? Me, Mr. Todd, sir, and me, Mr. Todd, sir Over here, bring me a chair Boy, bring ze basins, bring ze towels Yes, sir, quick Will Beadle Bamford be the judge? Glad as always to oblige My friends and neighbors Put it there, ready? Ready, ready The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner Now, signorini, signori, we mix a da lather But first a you gather around, signorini, signori You looking a man who have had a Da glory to shave-a da Pope Mr. Sweeney, so smart Oh, I beg-a you pardon Call me a lie, was a only a cardinal Nope, it was-a da Pope Perhaps, signorini, signori You like-a I tell-a, da famous-a story Of Queen Isabella Da Queen of-a Polan? Whose toot' was-a swollen I pull it so nice from her mout' That-a though to begin She's a screaming-a murder She's later-a swoon-a with bliss An' was heard-a to shout Pull all of 'em out To shave-a da face, to pull a da toot' Require da grace and not a da brute For if-a you slip, you nick da skin You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip a bit And dat's-a da trut' To shave-a da face or even a part Widout it-a smart require da heart It take-a da art, I show you a chart I study-a starting in my yout' To cut-a da hair, to trim-a da beard To make-a da bristle clean like a whistle Dis is from early infancy Da talent give to me by God It take-a da sk**, it take-a da brains It take-a da will to take-a da pains It take-a da pace, it take-a da grace The winner is Todd Smooth as a baby's arse And now who's for a tooth pulling Free without charge Me, sir, me, sir, who else? No one? Then sir, since there is no means To test the second sk** I claim the five pounds To which he is entitled, right? Wait, one moment, wait You, boy, get on that chair Me, signor? Oh, not a tooth, sir I beg of you, I ain't got a twinge Not the tiniest pain, I You do now We see who is zee victor now Zis Mister Todd or zee great Pirelli Ready? Ready, ready To pull-a da toot' widout-a da sk** Can damage da root Now hold-a da still an' if-a you slip You grip a bit, you hit da pit of it Or chip-a da do and have-a to fill To pull-a da toot' widout-a da grace You leave-a da space all over da place You try to erase widout-a da trace Sometimes is da case you even-a k** To hold-a da clamp widout-a da cramp Wid all dat saliva, it could-a drive-a you crazy Don' mutter or back-a you go to da gutter My touch is as light as a bu*ter-a cup I take-a da pains, I learn-a da art I use-a da brains, I give-a da heart I have-a da grace, I win-a da race Not a twinge of pain, not a twinge The man's a bloody marvel The two-time winner, Mr. Sweeney Todd Sir, I bow to a sk** far defter than my own The five pounds Here, sir, and may the good Lord smile on you Until we meet again Come, boy Signori, bellissime signorini Buon giorno, buon giorno a tutti