Sunstained - Ashes lyrics

I'm still the same sad kid that you loved But i never loved you, just had me feeling enough Years later I don't feel much Just thoughtful and tired and scared and worked up There's no balance no solace for me I lost all my serenity at the age of 15 I still think about the way you used to look at me And lie to myself about the way things could be I'm shaking like a stranger Who you are now Growth in separation The way you turned out But i'm turning my back It's nothing I won't go back to being miserable There's too much to live for To waste time planning my funeral It's hurtful Letting you take center in my mind The memories are getting dull Just a sketch and i'm erasing the lines Of our past life I grew so much and I gave it up So i could feel fine So I could find some f**ing balance and start living my goddamn life Pour water on the embers Set fire to the notes I wrote in hopes they'd help me to fall in love But I've never even had something close Just been learning to cope I spoke in fear of finding myself out I knew i'd been feeding my doubt When you smiled at me in the cemetery Did you honestly believe that I could manifest happiness, please I've been a wreck for some days Leave my past in a haze, and my mind is a maze and my heart a blaze My fingers trace familiar shapes on my chest A dying sunset watch the world sleep in d**h oh Do you remember spending nights under the stars when we walked out in front of cars You let me tear you apart It's cold outside my house There's no stars there's only clouds With you I can do without The embers they burned out