Verse 1 [Briggs] (I wish I was) That guy you could take to meet ya parents Appearance let alone would have me barred in a minute Politickin wit ya pops have a talk over dinner? Nah, drunk in the car and i wait till ya finish Dont leave me out there too long gettin bored Sittin in the drive way beepin the car horn Your mothers in tears, i think ive upset her And ya sister in your ear sayin you can do better Then we off, drive on to the drive thru 6 pack, jacks, gin, oh baby i love you Meatloaf lover, there ain't nothin i won't do Except that, scrap that, nah f** that too Far from thoughtful, as deep as a creek Find me in the street, 10 deep with the creeps Sneak in while you sleep, slide up in your sheets Arrested in second coz you moved last week (I WISH I WERE) THAT STAND UP CITIZEN ROLE MODEL FOR CHILDREN POSTER BOY FOR THE INNOCENT BUT I'm LIKE Got them, beer goggles roy orbison On the bar like an ornament, next round, order em Bar staff avoidin him last round i slaughtered em And im sittin on the stool like busted accordion Talk to this broad like im charming as f** But whats coming out is whats comin' up I thought i was in the zone, but i was in a state And does the drink still count if it just went in my face? Move on, to the next possibilities Walk across the room to the best of my abilities Literally run into this thing from the Philippines 19, fillin up a B cup, she feelin me She grabbin my hand tries to walk to the dance floor Im like nah girl, what the f** ya wanna dance for? Fred astaire im not, you got ya wires crossed Ill be at the bar when ya ready with a couple of shots CHORUS I WISH I WERE THAT GUY WERE THAT TYPE WERE THAT NICE Verse 2 [Briggs] BUT I WISH YOU WOULDN'T WHINE ALL THE TIME, THEN WE'D BE FINE No License, but drunk enough to drive 50cent style, shots, yep i took nine Something seems to be wrong with my spine Because im crawlin, but im certain i can walk a straight line, if tried So i stood up, yep flat on my back Wanna walk the line but im no johnny cash And if somebody asks you dont know where i am Coz I left the bar man with a 500 tab So long, catch me if you can Maybe next week when i forget and comeback But i left the scene, i jumped in a cab When this joint stops im the ginger bread man Usain bolt when the cab pull up Wheels spin and the car backin up Im good for 10 meters, no stamina Damn the poor lungs can't stand the gut