Sudden d**h - The Mouth lyrics

Sittin' at home doin' nothing in particular Watchin' TV legs crossed perpendicular Tryin' real hard to retain my sanity When in walks the reason I gave up on humanity Five foot eight with a wimpy goatee Brown hair, brown eyes, and a couple brown teeth His voice has a pitch that could bust a gla** Got a mouth like a river and it's just as fast Livin' with this guy has really been the pits His mouth is so big that his nose barely fits Ain't no peace and quiet it's a riot with this creep 'Cause he can both talk and eat in his sleep Eatin' all my food all day all night The Tazmanian Devil has a smaller appetite If there's food in the house no doubt he'll grab it Eats chicken, fish, beef, and especially rabbit I gotta get away and he's gotta get a job I gotta get my shoe off of his shishkebob He's got a hole in his head that's incredibly wide And anything can fit inside That's why we call him The Mouth His mouth keeps moving as his heart keeps beating He's constantly talking, and/or eating I avoid him when I can but I live in fear He only inhaled three times last year Did I mention that this guy was a royal pain He talks with a full mouth and an empty brain He only talks about things that he doesn't understand Which means he can talk longer than our average life span Talk about annoying, he'll talk about anything Comments that he adds just adds to my suffering Stupid little things from a stupid little man His brain got in the way so he cut out the middle man He keeps putting in his two cents somehow But at this rate he should have been broke by now When he talks up a storm it forms a damn monsoon Then he tells me everything that happened in the bathroom Goin' on for hours while I stand there in a daze Tellin' me about his pimples and his potty training days With a blatant disregard for my indifference he talks Like a blind pitcher giving up walks That's why we call him The Mouth I know more about him than I know about myself Sharing air with this guy is really bad for my health I don't know how much longer I'll be able to survive I've heard about every minute this idiot has been alive Did you know when he was three he had a puppy named Joe It would sleep at his feet, and lick between his toes And then every morning it would wake him up At seven-thirty on the dot, it was such a smart pup And every year his town has a carnival or somethin' To celebrate that miracle of nature called the pumpkin Half a million people all come to this little town And they all take turns picking seeds up off the ground I sit there and I smile and I nod a little bit And I'm thinkin' to myself, God, what an idiot He doesn't seem to pick up from my ultra blank stare That I just don't care That's why we call him The Mouth [Mouth rant] He sits around the house watching TV and he's eating And he's talking and the whole time I'm taking a beating And then he complains that he's got a tired bu*t I wonder how much it would cost to have his mouth wired shut Even the dog doesn't wanna go near him Doesn't matter where you go 'cause you're always gonna hear him And we haven't got a clue what we could possibly do We're both starving 'cause he ate the damn dog food too No food in the house he ate it all last week No silence in the house 'cause he still has all his teeth And there ain't no escape 'cause he doesn't have a life I really do feel very sorry for his wife Yes he's married but it can't be that great 'Cause his wife has a house and lives in another state At first I thought that that was weird but now I understand why If I was married to this guy I think I'd just give up and die For now I'm stuck with him 'cause he pays the rent At least until he meets with a little accident God gave us the gifts of speech and sound And has regretted it since he's been around That's why we call him The Mouth [Mouth rant]