At home, Friday night, and I'm checkin' out the Playboy Channel But it might be too much for me to handle 'Cause I start to drool as she's gettin' undressed I see a beautiful woman with a speed bump on her chest Yo, what the Hell, who's idea was that Those things look defective, she should take 'em back I'm sick of it, this ain't what I paid for at all If I wanted fake breasts I would have bought a Barbie doll Why would a woman do something that drastic Lookin' like a mannequin, rigid and plastic Don't deny it, that's a design Of the ACME Inflatable Bustline To the untrained eye, yo, they may look fine But to a pervert like me, yo, they're easy to find I can pick out the point where the breast begins Like she's hiding two basketballs under her skin Big or small it doesn't matter at all As long as they're not made from a silicon ball Fake breasts don't bounce, don't move, don't try So you'd better be careful, you might lose an eye Eighty-four, twenty-four, thirty-four, please no more They're so big they don't fit out the door Artificially implanted s** appeal I'm givin' new meaning to the phrase "get real" ("Do you like b**bs a lot?") More than you know But I don't like pizza made of play-dough Are those things real? My oh my Or did an animal crawl up your shirt and die How much did you pay for what we see Did it come with a thirty year warrantee Did you have the choice of size, shape and design You made your points, I just made mine