Sudden d**h - Fat Chicks in Spandex lyrics

Oh no, there they go another herd of elephants With big fat legs in tight black pants And an image of themselves that can't be clear 'Cause it's obvious they ain't never looked in a mirror Following fashion is no surprise But when the fashion follows the form of your thighs And reveals every mound and cluster of fat Then it's time to take 'em off and take the damn things back But no, they gotta go strut their stuff And I'm here to say that enough is enough Spandex shorts, stretch pants and such If you weigh too much you're showin' way too much Spandex doesn't hide where you sag You look like a goddam hefty bad Wrappin' up all your cellulite wreckage Somethin' tells me it's gonna be one of those decades Marchin' in the mall two ton by two I guarantee that they're gonna sit by you Showin' off everything the fabric ain't fixin' Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex Everywhere I go I just can't get away From the overweight legs gift wrapped every day I'm a humble man, I don't ask for much But it would be nice to keep down my lunch But I can't, they always walk by when I'm eating My muscles all lock and my heart starts beating Irregularly every time that I see A walking wooly mammoth in a woman's size three Clumps of fat popping out everywhere Her pants are so tight I can see all her hair It wiggles and wobbles when they're ridin' on a bike Now I know what Al Bundy must feel like The only thing I can imagine that would be any worse Is Roger Ebert in a speedo but that's a whole nother verse They wear 'em so much they're gonna wear the things up And when the pants give away they're gonna all hang out Beauty's in the eye of the beholder but When these beauties walk by I keep my eyes shut Black abominations they're squeezin' their hips in Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex If the back of your legs look like cottage cheese If you're talking scale says "get off please" If both of your breasts hang down to your knees Then you shouldn't be wearin' any spandex If you look like you're related to the Toxic Avenger If a whale gets beached and you try to befriend her If a mechanic sees your body and attaches a fender Then you won't look good in those spandex I'm gonna find who designed them it's all his fault I'm afraid I'm gonna turn into a pillar of salt When I accidentally look at a derriere That looks like a walking bean bag chair This has to be a dream but I can't wake up It's too horrible a story to ever make up It's the curse of the 20th century man To be subjected to this torture again and again By comparison the Spanish Inquisition was tame Undersize pants on an oversize dame Just ain't the way I like to get my kicks Oh please God please no more fat chicks in spandex