Stu Stone - Celebrity Stalker lyrics

{*skit for the first 21 seconds*} [Stu Stone] Hi my name is Stu, I got a problem to share It's kind of personal you probably won't care See - I'm in love with Oprah Winfrey and Cher Heh, I got a doll made out of Margaret Cho's hair Kathy Bates and Edie Falco? Now there's a pair My psychotherapist says I should clear the air For the average boy or girl, this might be a shocker Judge Judy called me a celebrity stalker [Jamie Kennedy] Hold up, doc~! You know I got some problems too My brain is kinda twisted like my name was Stu the Jew I like to watch the telly, especially late at night My favorite show to stroke to, gotta be "Facts of Life" f** Lindsay Lohan! Give me Mindy Cohn! And Tootie's juicy booty, now that's a blow jam Whoa man, yo man I'ma grin and bear it I got a website fan page for that hooker Mrs. Garrett [Chorus: repeat 2X] I love her, and she loves me Why does she call police? Stalker, I ain't no stalker, stalker [Jamie Kennedy] I wanna slam Fran, hell she can be my nanny Star Jones too huh, I'd like to hit that fanny Marcia Marcia Marcia! You can have her, I'll take Alice Cause she clean the room when I hit that chick from Dallas Victoria Principal, you can call me to your office Better make it quick cause I'll tell you "Who the Boss" is It's Mona (MONA!) Now leave me the hell alone-ah I'ma go to the corner, talk to Stu, I got a bo*er [Stu Stone] Back to Stu Stoner, doc this sh** ain't cool I almost drowned in Delta Burke's pool I be sittin in school, covered in drool Dreamin of the day I can make out with Paula Abdul "Straight up now" I told her that my love wasn't fake She wasn't havin it, the cold-hearted snake It ain't easy, people think I'm sleazy I've been watchin TV Land, jerkin off to Weezie (To Wheezie?~!) Fo' scheezy, nothin more would please me To get Miss Cleo, down on her kneezy I can't wait for my first date with Bonnie Raitt Now please don't tease me [Chorus] Stalker! La la la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la la [Kennedy & Stone] Comin after you girl Yeah girl we're comin straight after you Goin through your garbage cans Goin through your trash girl Find a banana peel Yeah man, even your laundry All we wanna do is just love you Just wanna snuggle wit'cha Hey are your parents traffic instructors Cause you got fine written all over you [Chorus] - 2X