Stephen Sondheim - The Frogs: Prologos: Invocation and Instructions to the Audience lyrics

Gods of the theatre, smile on us You who sit up there stern in judgment Smile on us You who look down on actors… (And who doesn't?) Bless this yearly festival and smile on us We offer you song and dance We offer you rites and revels We offer you grace and beauty Smile on us for this while You who sit up there stern in judgment, smile on us We offer you song and dance We offer you rites and revels We offer you gods and heroes We offer you jokes and insults We offer you (we offer you) paeans and pageants Bacchan*ls and social comment Bless our play and smile Yes, but first… Some dos and don'ts Mostly don'ts: Please don't cough It tends to throw the actors off Have some respect for Aristophanes And please, don't cough Please don't squeak We haven't oiled the seats all week You wouldn't want to miss a single work of Greek It's hard enough for us to hear each other speak So please, don't squeak If you see flaws, please No loud guffaws, please Only because, please There are politer ways As for applause, please When there's a pause, please Although we welcome praise The echo sometimes lasts for days… (Days…days…days…days…) But first… (Days…days…days…days…) Don't take notes To show us all you know the famous quotes And when you disapprove don't clear your throats Or throw your crumpled programs, coins and coats Or tell your neighbor scintillating anecdotes And please, refrain From candy wrapped in cellophane If we should get rhetorical Please don't curse Wait till it's allegorical And in verse! If we should get satirical Don't take it wrong And if, by a sudden miracle A tune should appear that's lyrical Don't hum along When we are waxing humorous Please don't wane The jokes are obscure but numerous… We'll explain When we are waxing serious Don't squirm or laugh It starts when we act mysterious And if you're in doubt, don't query us I'll signal you when we're serious (It's in the second half) (Half…half…half…half…) But first… Please, don't leave It only makes the actors grieve We may have something better up our sleeve So please Don't leave Don't say, "What?" To every line you think you haven't got And if you're in a snit because you've missed the plot (Of which I must admit there's not an awful lot) Still don't Say, "What?" (What?) Do not intrude, please When someone's nude, please She's there for mood, please And mustn't be embraced If we are crude, please Don't sit and brood, please Let's not be too strait-laced - The author's reputation isn't based On taste So please, don't fart - There's very little air and this is art And should we get offensive, don't lose heart Pretend it's just the playwright being smart Eventually we'll get to the catharsis, then depart And now… But first… We start