Stephen Sondheim - It Would Have Been Wonderful lyrics

[FREDRIK:] I should never have gone to the theatre Then I'd never have come to the country If I never had come to the country Matters might have stayed as they were [CARL-MAGNUS:] Sir [FREDRIK:] Sir If she'd only been faded If she'd only been fat If she'd only been jaded And bursting with chat If she'd only been perfectly awful It would have been wonderful If...if If she'd been all a-twitter Or elusively cold If she'd only been bitter Or better, looked pa**ably old If she'd been covered with glitter Or even been covered with mold It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection To my deepest dismay Well, not quite perfection I'm sorry to say If the woman were perfection She would go away And that would be wonderful Sir [CARL-MAGNUS:] Sir If she'd only looked flustered Or admitted the worst If she only had blustered Or simpered or cursed If she weren't so awfully perfect It would have been wonderful If...if If she'd tried to be clever If she'd started to flinch If she'd cried or whatever A woman would do in a pinch If I'd been certain she never Again could be trusted an inch It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection Not an action denied The kind of perfection I cannot abide If the woman were perfection She'd have simply lied Which would have been wonderful [FREDRIK:] If she'd only been vicious [CARL-MAGNUS:] If she'd acted abused [FREDRIK:] Or a bit too delicious [CARL-MAGNUS:] Or been even slightly confused [FREDRIK:] If she had only been sulky [CARL-MAGNUS:] Or bristling [FREDRIK:] Or bulky [CARL-MAGNUS:] Or bruised [BOTH:] It would have been wonderful [CARL-MAGNUS:] If [BOTH:] If [FREDRIK:] If she'd only been wilful [CARL-MAGNUS:] If she only had fled [FREDRIK:] Or a little less sk**ful [CARL-MAGNUS:] Insulted, insisting [FREDRIK:] In bed [CARL-MAGNUS:] If she had only been fearful [FREDRIK:] Or married [CARL-MAGNUS:] Or tearful [FREDRIK:] Or dead [BOTH:] It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection And the prospects are grim That lovely perfection That nothing can dim Yes, the woman was perfection So I'm here with him! [CARL-MAGNUS:] Sir [FREDRIK:] Sir [BOTH:] It would have been wonderful