Stephen Lynch - D&D (2005 Bonus Version) lyrics

Now this is about a guy you might remember from high school -- Lynch: Harmonica. Teich: ( imitates harmonica) Lynch: More harmonica. Teich: ( imitates harmonica) Lynch: ( after a pause) Ba**oon. Teich: And you're a co*ks**er. Lynch: Thank you. Lynch: I got my 12-sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew. My friends are comin' over to my mom's basement, bringin' Funyuns and Mountain Dew. Teich: I got a big broadsword made outta cardboard, and the stereo's a-pumpin' Zeppelin -- Lynch: ( in falsetto) Whole lotta love -- Teich: It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light, Both: Let the Dungeons and the Dragons begin -- IT'S D&D! Teich: Fightin' with the legends of yore. Both: IT'S D&D! Teich: Never kissed a lady before. Lynch: Nope. Both: Whoo! Lynch: Play us a little gui-tar, Teichy, come on. Teich: ( picks up a small guitar and, after a long pause, plucks one string) Did you see that? Lynch: Yeah! Lynch: Now the Lord of the Rings, the Dark Crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool, Teich: And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, WE'RE THE COOLEST KIDS IN THE SCHOOL! Lynch: ( under his breath) No we're not. Teich: ( also under his breath) I know. Lynch: Now Teich's a real ba*tard, but a fair dungeon master; he's got hit points and charisma to lend, Teich: And I rehearse in my room, or what I call the dragon's tomb, when I'm not out with my girl friend. Both: It's D&D! ( Teich keeps singing, but Lynch stops short) Lynch: Oh hold on, I'm sorry, hold on one second. Dude, come on. Teich: What? Lynch: Seriously! Teich: What? Lynch: You got a f**in' girlfriend? "Dungeon Master"? Teich: Yeah, all right, I do, I have a girlfriend. I do! I have a girlfriend ... ahhhh, I don't have a girlfriend. Both: It's D&D! Lynch: Summoning the demons of hell, Both: It's D&D! Teich: When our shift ends at the Taco Bell. ( Lynch's brother Drew comes onstage) Lynch: Well, my medieval brother, there's room here for another, would you care to take a roll of the die? Drew: Now listen to my words, you guys are f**ing nerds, I'd rather stick that sword in my eye! Lynch: Wow! Drew: You're not a warrior strong! Your f**ing wand is a bong! There's no such thing as a gnome or a sprite! Both: We put a spell on thee! Drew: ( laughing) You guys are too much for me, ha ha ha ... Both: ( after a long pause to glare at him) That's what your mama said last night. All: It's D&D! Lynch: Warriors who terrify All: It's D&D! All: Virgins till the day we-e-e-e-e--eeeee-AH ( all freakiness ensues) Lynch: 1, 2, fu*k YOU! All: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!