Stephen Lynch - Lion lyrics

[Narration] "Howdy, folks. This next song is a story of a gal who just couldn't choose between to fellers. One was about the nicest guy you ever met, and the other one, well, he's kind of a dick. Let's listen in as these boys settle it the only way they know how; through singing. And a 1, and a 2... " Make a choice - will it be A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby Or a guy like me? I would comfort you when you're sad Well, I would just leave you crying I would protect you if a lion attacked you Not trying to f** with no lion I would fight a man for your honor I don't know no kung fu I'd carry you across a muddy field b**h, these Jordans are new Make a choice - will it be A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby Or a guy like me? I would read you romantic poetry I'll leave that sh** on the shelf My love making would be sweet and tender This thing ain't s**ing itself, no I would take you to the finest restaurants Here's an old Baby Ruth I would tell you how pretty you look tonight And I would tell you the truth Make a choice - will it be A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby Or a guy like me? But ba-by, baby The choice is up to you So pick me quickly 'Cause I've got sh** to do It's true dear, I do dear I want you to be mine But let's be clear here I'm still not fighting no lion... [Narration]: "Let's see what happens next... Every day I'd say how much I love you ... I would not I'd surprise you with gifts and flowers I'd spend your money on pot, yeah We would stay up all night just talking I'd fall asleep when I came I'd spell your name out with a thousand rose petals I don't remember your name! Make a choice - will it be A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby Or a guy like me? Make a choice - will it be A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby Or a guy like me? [Narration]: "See? I told you he was kind of a dick."