Stephen Lynch - Half a Man lyrics

All my days I live with my disgrace I'm afraid to show my face Or at least take off my underwear See I was born Like a half way neutered pet I don't have a matching set It's a part of me That just ain't there Please, don't stare Well I'm a gambling man without two dice I'm like Uncle Ben with only one grain of rice Oh to have two testis would be so nice But I'm half a man Yeah, I'm half a man Wanna die End it all, just call it quits I can't find a cup that fits And at baseball games I feel so dumb When I hear "ball one"? Oh, my God How could you have been so cruel To give me one family j**el And the one that's there must feel so sad He's a lonely man Well I'm a marathon runner with just one leg I'm a fallopian tube with just one egg Oh, I want another testi Do I have to beg? I'm half a man Well I'm a tweedle dee with no tweedle dum And I'm a Siskel and an Ebert with just one thumb And I'm a Yo Ho Ho with no bottle of rum I'm just half a man Yeah, I'm half a man