Stephen Lynch - Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God) lyrics

You watch me on your TV Say that my job is easy Say I am not athletic You think my sport's pathetic But you can't judge me 'till you've walked a mile in my bowling shoes So I don't get all the ladies Got a mullet from the 80's I am known throughout the valleys As the prophet of alleys And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!" I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god The smell of rosin gets my high Kiss those f**in' pins goodbye! I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling... god Got a ball that's smooth and all black I keep it in my favorite ball-sac I get a feeling in my soul As I finger every hole And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!" I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god The smell of rosin gets my high Kiss those motherf**in' pins goodbye! I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling... Not a single men will try, to beat almighty Malakai All who challenge me are slain Come on, f**ers pick a lane Marshall Holman, Gary Dickins(on), get in line for your a** kickins' John Petraglia and Norman Duke, you're so lame it makes me puke Who amongst the pro-bowl sector Dares to don his wrist protector Not that p**y Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin' Hey Mike Aulby, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl? How bout' Dickey Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha f**as to cream of wheat! And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!" I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god The smell of rosin gets my high Kiss those f**in' pins goodbye! I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... bowlin... ohhhhh! The bowling god!!