[SWEETHEART, spoken] "The Rape of Miss Goldberg" - by Marvin Scene One [MARVIN] Hi Miss Goldberg at your desk My name's Marvin we're alone at last I turned fourteen just today And I thought for a not unseemly price You'd introduce me to the wonders of the bed And also treat me nice I'm the boy who throws the fits He who puts the chalk inside his ear Do you know me from a hole in the wall? Marvin's cute though rarely good But, dearest, please accept my hand Miss Goldberg who Is perfect womanhood [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene Two [GOLDBERG] Marvin how Tell me how did you get in here please? [MARVIN] I drugged the man who was guarding this floor [GOLDBERG] Marvin open up the door Marvin please turn on the light Marvin listen I'm the only one here in the school Except you And the guard who you beat in a fight [MARVIN] He was drugged [GOLDBERG] He was drugged [MARVIN] Not will pills [GOLDBERG] Then with what? [MARVIN] With some apples from a basket Would you like a few Miss Goldberg? What I do for you Miss Goldberg Is your pleasure [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene Three [GOLDBERG] Why should Marvin jump on Miss Goldberg? Why does Marvin dump on Miss Goldberg? I know When I first looked into his eyes [MARVIN] I like your eyes Miss Goldberg [GOLDBERG] Lies! He has never seen my face [MARVIN] I have never seen your eyes [GOLDBERG] I was never out of place I taught [MARVIN] That's true She minded her business She taught... [GOLDBERG] ...I taught and I minded my business [MARVIN] But the business at hand... [GOLDBERG] Keep your hands off my eyes! [MARVIN] But the business at hand... [GOLDBERG] Keep your hands off my eyes! [MARVIN] But the business at hand Is... [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene Four [MARVIN] I always liked the way you wore your gla**es In and out of cla**es I always like the way you got angry in your gla**es That's cool Miss Goldberg I always thought those gla**es hid your pa**ion That's Miss Goldberg's fashion, I said Not it's my birthday and here's my surprise: I'm gonna see your eyes miss Goldberg I'm gonna see your eyes my darling! [GOLDBERG] Don't touch my goddamn eyes You little sh** I'll throw a fit I'll beat your head in with a hammer! [SWEETHEART, spoken] (laughs) Scene Five [GOLDBERG] My eyes are my eyes Your hands are your hands Just keep your dirty fingers away from my face kid That's the only thing Miss Goldberg demands [MARVIN, spoken] Now move [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene six [MARVIN, spoken] Now move! Now Move! (sung) Listen I'm a ba*tard Bummer with a penis And I mean us two to be together Teacher, yes I do, I do I mean us two to screw together Me together You together Miss Goldberg? [GOLDBERG] What? [MARVIN] Miss Goldberg? [GOLDBERG] What? [MARVIN] Make Marvin a happy boy! [GOLDBERG screams] [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene Seven! One, two, three, four! [MARVIN] Miss Goldberg Miss Goldberg Miss Goldberg Miss Goldberg Please, please, please Rub your hands between Your hands between my knees... La, la, la, la La, la, la, la La, la, la, la La, la, la, la Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg Please, please, please, please Please, please, please, please Please, please, please, please Please, please, please, please Please!! [GOLDBERG] What does Marvin Want from Miss Goldberg? What does Marvin Want from Miss Goldberg? What does Marvin Want from Miss Goldberg? What does Marvin Want from Miss Goldberg? What does Marvin Want from Miss Goldberg? [SWEETHEART, spoken] Scene Eight [MARVIN] Marvin always gets the things He wants [GOLDBERG] Except the things He wants [MARVIN] He gets the things He wants [GOLDBERG] Marvin Always gets the things He wants Except the Things he wants [MARVIN] Marvin Always Gets the Things he wants [MARVIN] He gets the things... [GOLDBERG] Except the things... [MARVIN] He gets the things... [GOLDBERG] Except the things... [MARVIN and GOLDBERG] He... [SWEETHEART] Wants... [MARVIN, spoken] Do you want my telephone number? [SWEETHEART, spoken] Curtain!