Stephen Bogardus - The Baseball Game lyrics

(everyone shouting various encouragements to Jason) ALL: We're sitting And watching Jason play baseball We're watching Jason play baseball! We're watching Jewish boys Who cannot play baseball, play baseball! We're watching Jewish boys Who cannot play baseball play- MARVIN: I hate baseball, I really do! Unlike the rest of you I hate baseball! CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA: We really wish he'd take this more seriously! MENDEL: I like how he swings the bat! MARVIN: It's good how he swings the bat But why does he have to throw like that? ALL: We're sitting And watching Jason make errors The most pathetical errors! We're watching Jewish boys Who almost read Latin Up, battin' And battin' bad! MENDEL: Remember Sandy Koufax! You can do it if you wanna do it! Take heart from Hank Greenberg! It's not genetic Anything can be copasetic! I think, I think I think it can, I think it can! ALL: We're sitting And watching Jason play baseball We're watching Jason play baseball! We're watching Jewish boys We're watching Jewish boys We're watching- SLIDE, JASON! Slide, Jason! Slide' (Whizzer enters) MARVIN: What's Whizzer doing here? TRINA: What are you doing here? WHIZZER: Jason asked me to come Since he asked me to come, I came TRINA: Just what I wanted at a Little League game My ex-husband's ex-lover! Isn't that what every mother dreams about Having at a Little League game' MENDEL: Looking at Whizzer is like eating treyf CORDELIA: The kid was out! CHARLOTTE: The kid was safe! CORDELIA: The kid was out! CHARLOTTE: The kid was safe! WHIZZER: Hey! I love baseball I love baseball That's what I'm doing here CHARLOTTE: (spoken) Aw, where the hell did they get that umpire! TRINA: Oh hi, Whizzer WHIZZER: (chuckles) Hey MARVIN: Look who's here Say hello WHIZZER: Hello MARVIN: And you're looking sweeter than a donut WHIZZER: Marvin MARVIN: Whizzer WHIZZER: He's still queer? MARVIN: Am I queer? (Trina) I don't know MENDEL: Does it matter? MARVIN: It's been so long since I could tell Move in front of me I wanna see the bald spot! C'mon, c'mon Sit in front of me It gives me pleasure to see the bald spot! Since it's the only Physical imperfection that you've got I wanna see it! I wanna touch it! I wanna run my hands through it! ALL EXCEPT MARVIN: We're sitting And watch the kid as he misses! We're watching Marvin throw kisses We're watching sixty-seven pounders Watching Jewish boys in scroungers ALL: Watching boys feel, boys bat Boys miss, boys at- Watching Jason on deck Swinging the bat! WHIZZER: Keep your head in the box Don't think of a thing Keep your head in the box Your eye on the ball Take a breath, then let it out And swing! (Whizzer and everyone else repeat, overlapping) ALL: Keep your head in the box Don't think of a thing Keep your head in the box Your eye on the ball Take a breath, then let it out And swing! MARVIN: Even bald, he looks good WHIZZER: Just remember he's an a**hole MARVIN: He looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt WHIZZER: Even maniacs can charm Which he does, so beware MARVIN: And just be careful WHIZZER: When he smiles that smile, avoid him Or else sound the alert! MARVIN AND WHIZZER: How could I know, without him My life would be boring as sh**' MARVIN: But it is WHIZZER: (spoken) Jason! You gotta move a little closer to the plate! MARVIN: (sung) Oh, yes, it is- (spoken) What' He's gonna be hit by the ball! MARVIN AND WHIZZER: (sung) Please, God, don't let me make the same mistake! ALL: We're sitting And watching Jason, the batter! We know our cheering won't matter! It is the very final inning And the other team is winning And there's two outs, two strikes But the bases are loaded and- MARVIN: Could it be possible to see you, or to kiss you Or to give you a call? ALL: Anything's possible, Jason Hit the ball! (spoken) Run!