WHIZZER A day in Falsettoland Dr. Mendel at work MENDEL I don't get it I don't get it In the '60s, everyone had heart In the '60s, we were all a part of the same team In the '60s, we had a new world to start Could this, oh God, don't say this Could this be the new world we started? Here I sit, brokenhearted and... PATIENT (actress of CORDELIA) You go out on the street, and there's all these people asking for a handout. Then you go home. You open your mail, and it's full of people asking for donations. Then, you turn on the TV, and there's pictures of starving children in Ethiopia MENDEL And how does that make you feel, Diane? PATIENT Caroline MENDEL Caroline? PATIENT Yes, my name is Caroline My God! MENDEL I don't get it I've been left behind Half my patients: Yuppy pagans Modeled on the Ronald Reagans Now the world is too pathetic And I don't get it at all PATIENT Now that I got the promotion, can I finally stop sleeping with my boss? MENDEL Time's up PATIENT You always do this! (The Patient exits) MENDEL At least there's Trina at home Trina in bed Trina obsessing and Sort of caressing My head with her feet I once thought it was sweet But I don't anymore Now I just snore Because I'm so exhausted Listening to these yuppy farts complain Listening as their shallow hearts explain Their lives CHARLOTTE Trina works it out (Trina enters, stretching, and dressed for a work out) TRINA Marvin's back with Whizzer Just like how it was If I don't like Whizzer It's because my ex sure does Why should that upset me? Sometimes I'm a lout Mendel serenades, and Jason calms me Why should I be wilting When their precious love Is not in doubt? Work it out! JASON The neighbors relax after work (Cordelia enters with food. Charlotte enters their home) CORDELIA How was your day at the hospital? CHARLOTTE Unbelievable What is that smell CORDELIA Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine I've been practicing Cuisine bar mitzvah nouvelle (Mendel joins Trina, now also dressed to work out) MENDEL Hi, honey CORDELIA Well...? TRINA Hi, honey MENDEL How was your day? TRINA It was terrible Did you hear that Marvin's back with Whizzer? Marvin's back with Whizzer! MENDEL Drop it, sweetheart Give it up You know I love you What's the matter Trina darling? I don't get it Why can't you let go? TRINA Maybe in a mile, I'll be ok I cannot let go until we have this bar mitzvah MENDEL Isn't it enough I want you every night TRINA Hahaha MENDEL Every other night? TRINA I wish MENDEL Every third night? TRINA Hm... MENDEL Let's drop it Everything will be alright TRINA Everything will be alright MENDEL AND TRINA Everything will be alright CORDELIA How was your day at the hospital? CHARLOTTE It was wonderful For the first time in months, nobody died CORDELIA Yay! CHARLOTTE There were just Heart attacks and gall stones Lightbulbs up the a** Fake appendicitis, which was gas Which I diagnosed People overdosed, and I saved them I saved young people, old people One priest, and one high school principal Saving lives, I feel invincible Yes I do Do you know how great my life is? Do you know how great my life is? Saving lives and loving you CORDELIA You save lives and I save chicken fat I can't f**ing deal with that! CHARLOTTE Do you know how great my life is? MENDEL AND TRINA Everything will be alright CORDELIA Yes, I know how great your life is CHARLOTTE Do you know how great my life is? MENDEL AND TRINA Everything will be alright CORDELIA Yes, I know how great your life is CHARLOTTE Saving lives CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA And loving you (Marvin and Whizzer enter, dressed for Racquetball and holding racquets. Their scene is played on the court) WHIZZER Ha It bounced twice MARVIN No, it didn't WHIZZER Yeah, once than twice You know it did MARVIN That's not nice WHIZZER No, it isn't But you're a pain in the a** MARVIN You're a beast But, at least When you play me, you win WHIZZER You give up MARVIN I perspire WHIZZER Where's the heat? Where's the fire? Used to be, you desired A fight! So fight! MARVIN So play! WHIZZER One-two-three-four! MARVIN One-two-three-four! WHIZZER One-two-three-four! MARVIN One-two-three-four! WHIZZER One-two-three-four! MARVIN One-two-three-four! WHIZZER One-two-three-four! MARVIN One-two-three-four! WHIZZER Lucky dink! MARVIN I'm finessing WHIZZER Eh, something stinks in how you play MARVIN Don't you think it's a blessing I'm so pathetically bad? WHIZZER Just stay back Serve with force I'll attack And, of course I will win Just give in to bliss And kiss MARVIN Let's go! Do you know WHIZZER Down the alley MARVIN All I want is you WHIZZER High lob MARVIN Anything you do WHIZZER Low drive MARVIN Is all right WHIZZER Ceiling shot MARVIN Yes it's all right WHIZZER Into the corner MARVIN Do you know? WHIZZER Four walls MARVIN All I want is... WHIZZER Dink MARVIN ...You WHIZZER Hit your shoe MARVIN No, it didn't WHIZZER Yes it is The game is through MARVIN That's not nice WHIZZER No, it isn't MARVIN God you're a pain in the a** WHIZZER Play it raw Don't play pretty Sex and games In New York City Have got to be played with flair And pa**ion, hey And pa**ion and flair MARVIN, WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, AND CORDELIA Do you know CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA How great my life is? MARVIN AND WHIZZER All I want is you CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA Do you know how great my life is? MARVIN AND WHIIZER Anything you do Is alright CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA Saving lives and loving you MARVIN AND WHIZZER Yes it's alright MARVIN, WHIZZER, MENDEL, TRINA, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA (dispersedly) Everything will be alright! Everything will be alright! Everything will be alright! Everything will Everything will Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright Feel alright Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your Rest of Your Everything will be alright!