Steel Panther - If I Was The King lyrics

If I was the King I would get myself a b**hin' crown And I'd make all the b**hes call me Sir Michael Starr I'd have a castle and a b**hin' throne And at night I'd go in the town In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar If I was the King I would outlaw clothes for chicks So you could see if the shaved their pussies Or if they were hiding dicks I'd lower the drinking age So little kids could get drunk too And I'd make it a f**ing crime to wear a wedding ring If I was the King That'd be f**in' nice right? I'd knock down all the schools And put up licquor stores And give free b**bjobs to the strippers and the who*es I would outlaw common sense Feed the homeless to the wolves And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail! If I was the King I'd make beer the official food And you'd never have to take the trash out If you happen to be born a dude You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks And take a sh** right on the street And I'd k** Katy Perry so I wouldn't have to hear her sing If I was the King Her comes the court jester man! And if the motherf**ing peasents didn't like it I would tell them all to s** my dick s** my dick s** my dick Legalize masturbation At every strip joint in the nation And the minimum cup size would have to be a double D Oh yeah But if you were in a band You wouldn't have to use your hand There'd be mandatory bl**jobs for guys like you and me! If I was the King Megan Fox would be my Queen But I'd still f** Christie Brinkley And any girl older than 16 I'd execute One Direction And drop a nuke on the Middle East But I'd take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting If I was the King If I was the King If I was the King